


The Circle

by DeathlessLie



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Multi, Nerdiness, Psychological Trauma, Reincarnation, Tragedy/Comedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-18
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2019-01-19 03:44:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 38,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12402378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeathlessLie/pseuds/DeathlessLie
Summary: "Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man" - Friedrich Nietzsche. Reality is fake. Don't trust the ANBU, don't trust the Hokage either. Leave Konoha, kill Danzo, have tea with Madara. EVADE THE SNAKE AT ALL COSTS. Contact the Akatsuki. Eat the last tomatoes. They're going bad. Don't go blind. Survive. Yep, the 'to do' list seemed completed.





	1. A dream half remembered

**Author's Note:**

> First fanfic. Uchiha-centrict. It's a fun ride with lots of trauma, unhealthy coping mechanisms, cynicism and some impossible scenarios involving reincarnation. No shipping until later chapters, they're all kids (almost all of them). I'm following the cannon until a certain point and then do my own thing for a bit.

**Chapter I : A dream half remembered**

 

Blackness. Void. Fire. Burning. And burning. I couldn't hear anything, but flesh spluttering. Or perhaps I was  _imagining_  hearing my flesh spluttering. But I couldn't see anything, that much I was sure. Only darkness and the feeling that instead of eyes I had two empty holes. And I was spinning, and spinning into nothingness. It was torture. It was more than torture.  _Where was I?_  My mind couldn't wrap around what was going on, as I felt my senses all numbed and all alive in the same time. It was overwhelming. How did I get here?

_I know_. Yes, I did. Or at least, I could recall the last thing I saw before I've fallen into this nothingness. Rain. And blood. And falling. A hole in my stomach as I was cutting the air towards the ground. And someone screaming.  _I'm sorry._  But… For what? I stopped in midair. Drums. And ripping.  _Drums?_  A rhythm. Perhaps… a heartbeat?

And then air. And sharp noises, like knives tearing my ear drums to pieces. And light. TOO MUCH LIGHT. It was burning my eyes like acid. And cold. I was  _so_  cold.  _Soo_  bloody cold. I always loved cold, and snow but mostly the cold. I always annoyed my mother by not heating the house in the winter. Why should I? I loved winter and we weren't that far in the north to actually have hard winters. But she loved warmth. She always preferred spring and summer, while I couldn't stand the heat.

I opened my mouth for air. I desperately needed air. I felt like suffocating. My nostrils were washed out. THAT. HURT. I could hear a piercing scream somewhere nearby, while I was fighting the white light that was burning my cornea. But I could finally breath, and air came in like icy sloths burning my nostrils. I was desperately clinging to the air. I felt my skin sticky, like I've been bathed in pitch. All I could see were shadows and light, while the screaming and crying continued to vibrate in my hypersensitive ears. My trachea was burning and pulsing with pain. Could it be that  _I_  was the one screaming and crying? Possibly. Because of the agony I was in I did not really cared. All this pain… was too much.

And then I felt warmth. Something, a blanket perhaps, wrapped around me, and something else holding it close to me. I was unable to move, constrained and too much in pain to do something. My throat was burning. I tried to see what was keeping me from moving, almost crushing me. It almost felt like arms. But that was impossible so for a second I imagined myself wrapped in a straitjacket. Somehow, falling out of a window and waking up in a straitjacket made perfect sense, out of the sudden. Perhaps I tried to commit suicide and then became violent when the doctors tried to help me. Or perhaps I was a mad person, a schizophrenic who tried to kill someone. So many possibilities… to keep my mind occupied with while trying to cope with the pain. The crying and screams ceased, followed by upset cooing. Was there a baby around? That meant I was truly in a hospital. I still couldn't see anything but shadows and my hearing was as if I was underwater,  _which_  was disorienting. I constantly felt the urge to clear them, but I couldn't tuck my hands out of the blanket or whatever I was in. I must have been in a weird bed too, because it was bouncing me lightly from time to time. Like cradling someone. I remembered doing that with my cat. In the first year he didn't like it, not even one bit, but in time, he came to love it and became a really spoiled cat. Which I loved with every bit of my heart. Eh, looks like my flat mate has to take care of Tommy while I'm… whatever I'm doing now. Or not doing. In what kind of accident was I involved that I was in hospital? Because I couldn't imagine myself committing suicide or getting involved in a murder as in falling as a victim of one. Or perhaps I was wrong. Perhaps I was sleeping and this was a very vivid dream with very vivid pain. I was confused and tired. And chills began running down my spine.

A cold breath blew in my face. Why was someone so close to me? A doctor examining me? I couldn't be sure if the colorful shadows were a face but I wanted to believe that they were. My head turned towards the source of the cold.  _Someone_ 's breath was blowing right in my face almost choking me.  _Someone_ 's laughter vibrated beneath me and my position changed. I began to understand with a frightening and stupefied conscious that someone was holding me. And that this couldn't possibly be a dream as I was waaaay too lucid. Why was someone holding me? Why was this person so much bigger than me? Why wasn't I able yet to see or hear anything clearly? Where was I? Why wasn't anyone talking? Was I and this person the only beings in this room? Was I dead and this was God laughing in my face for not believing in him ever in my life, like 'surprise motherfucker'? But the laughter was very thin, either of a woman or a very young boy. Perhaps it was Morrigan, the Celtic goddess my best friend believed in. That would have been  ** _very_** ironical. Part of my daily routine was to laugh at my said best friend for believing in any divine force at all. I was even quoting Friedrich Nietzsche while she was backfiring with Spinozza.  ** _Why_**  would anyone read anything from that man? Ew. I hate his philosophy.

''She's pretty''

I froze. I should be happy. Wasn't I complaining about no one talking? The voice vibrated beneath me, so I was held right above the chest of this enormous creature. Did it occurred to me that I was held like a baby? Yes, yes it did. Did I remember hearing a baby crying very close earlier? Yes, that too. Was I denying these two facts to be linked to me? Absolutely. A finger stroke my face and my response was immediate. I started screeching and moving with whatever force I had. Anything,  _anything_  but not this. Not touching me out of the blue. I never allowed my mother to do so, I will certainly not let anyone else, except for doctors but that wasn't something it couldn't be helped. And I doubted this woman was a doctor. She' shhhhh'-ed me, and cradled me.

… Why could she cradle me? Why was she so much bigger? Why couldn't I communicate with this creature? Then it occurred to me that she did not speak in English. And that I understood her.

"What's the matter? Are you cold?" she stopped for a moment moving slightly, gasping and breathing hard. She wrapped the blanket around me tightly. "It's ok. Shh".

_Stop saying 'shhhhhhh' woman._ My ears were hurting. The fact that she was trying to console me and comfort me like a mother does with her baby, was  **not**   _consoling and comforting at all._  This was frightening. It was like a nightmare but awake and very much real. The sounds coming out of my mouth were strange to my own ears. It's impossible _. Impossible_. IMPOSSIBLE.

"She's strong".

My head turned toward the source of the new voice only to see darkness. No longer shadows just plain darkness. My eyes were too weak to reach that far and the surroundings too dark. The woman moved and stripes of hair brushed my face. I turned startled to gaze at them. They were soft, but tangled and even sweaty and very… blonde, I guessed?  My best friend  calls it 'Viking hair', while I loathe it. My ENTIRE family is blonde, of course I was rather bored of the color.

"You have to take her" the woman said holding me even closer as if she wanted to mold me into her, contradicting her own words. "You have to take her to safety. He… he will take care of her. He will understand one day". She paused stroking my face again which I did not appreciate even one bit and I started protesting again but she was determined to ignore it. " _She_  will understand".

_Why do I feel like I'm part of a very badly directed movie?_  It was like being in a cliché movie with poor dialogue but with great intrigue and complexity since I still had no idea what was happening. Like Inception really, but that was  _excellently_ directed although the dialogue was exaggerated with complicated  _big_ words. Really enjoyed watching the parodies, almost as much as watching the movie itself.

Paces were getting closer and closer. Something wet was pouring on my face. The woman must have started crying or they both agreed put me out of my misery and drown me into a well. Another pair of arms picked me up and the woman reluctantly let go of me sobbing.

"Tell him to forgive me. Forgive everything. But not forget. Tell him… that I love him. And Kushina. And the little brat that must be torturing her now that she is due. And that I still think that he lost a drinking game to you for  _that name_  ". She laughed nervously accentuating the last two words with fake indignation and disgust. "And tell  _her_ … everything. When the time is right."

_WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT?!_  This woman… I swear. I started fidgeting and making the same not so human noises, while the woman was soundly crying. Something else bothered me from what she said. That name was  _very_  familiar. Like I could hear it in the back of my mind but couldn't quite recall the memory or the exact time and circumstances I heard it. I had to search in my mind but I was too tired to do so. It will come to me …  ** _in time_**. I could hear my silent dry laugh in my mind. A calloused hand moved the blanket around me, bringing lighter. That really didn't help, although I did catch a blurry glimpse at my new holder. Guess what? More shadows. It was like trying to peep from behind your almost closed eyes. Like my eye lids were glued and I was seeing through glue. That turned my stomach. If the colors were strong enough I guessed I could see them. Like this person’s hair. Which was white or grey. Or both. An old person, eh? But with steady arms. I could respect that.

"You will survive" he said and his voice, like before, did not sound old at all. "And everybody will be waiting for you."

"No" the woman said firmly. "I won't survive. Too much blood. I don't  _intend_  to."

"I see" the person holding me said quietly. "Any name?"

The woman started laughing and I heard her shifting in something, by the sound, more blankets. The person holding me waited patiently for her response.

"I… have no idea" her voice cracked in a yawn. "I have no name for her. Funny, that I haven't thought about this the past nine months. It's not like I had some substantial time. Choose something for her…." Her voice sounded muffled like a person barely awake. "…something less idiotic than usual, please."

The person holding me sighed exasperated and even a little annoyed. He titled his head so he could glance at me and pointed his finger to lose the blanket and let my hand free. I caught his finger …so much bigger than my hand. I tried to squeeze but my hands were too weak.

"How is she supposed to survive without feeding? It's a long way to the village" he spoke allowing me to attempt and fail crushing his finger.

"She's strong. Now leave."

The person 'hn'-ed. He freed his finger from my grasp and wrapped the blanked trapping my hands again. I  _did_  protest.

**" _Now. Leave."_**

The woman's voice almost sounded strong. A wave of exhaustion washed all over me and all the pain that I felt was concentrating in my bones. Or so I felt it. The person that was holding me moved. He was walking, bringing a dazzling feeling. Combining that with my fatigue, I could barely stay awake. Perhaps I dreamt but perhaps not, when someone muttered 'Farewell'. Or perhaps all was just a dream, a nightmare or coma. Either way, I returned to a cold, _very cold_  and dark unconscious with little wet, icy spots covering my face.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter II: Introspection**

 

 _Why does it always have to be this warm?_  I increased the speed of my paces longing for the coolness of my bedroom. It was the one of the only north oriented room of the house so, it was colder. I thought that in six years of living in a humid and warm environment I would accommodate. No such luck. I was sweating like a pig and I couldn't do anything about it. And I hated the way the _air_ would make me feel sticky. _The air_. Even the elemental powers were working against me. My body just really, really,  _really_  hated heat.

It also didn't help that it was almost June. The sun was constantly torturing me, bright and round like a circle of hell fire high on a clear summer sky. Even the earth seemed to emanate heat, warming my feet and short legs. Everything was short about me. I hated it. My shadow was the wrong size and so was my eye level. Or at least that's what my mind told me.  _Did I use to be this short and small?_  Geez, kids really are short. I wanted to roll my eyes at my own statement.  _They are kids, of course they are short._  And here I was! Mentally talking to myself.  _And scowling too_. Actually, I did that quite often, oblivious to my surroundings. I felt myself frowning. I still had doubts this world  ** _was_**  real. Now and then I would feel like walking in a dream or phantasm, chasing some weird product of my imagination. But of course, even my imagination wasn't this vivid, and under no circumstances would a dream be this long. Six years…. How the time has passed. _Maybe even time is compressed?_

I stopped. Raising my eyes to the symbol on the high fence, I cleared my face of any emotion in case anyone was around. And there were indeed people, walking around, out and in the compound, some in green vests serving as a uniform or just in plain dark-colored clothes. With a last glance at the white and red – quite opposite from the preference for dark clothing of the members wearing it – I took a deep breath and followed an old woman inside.  _Why me?_  The question was irrelevant; it popped up in my mind without being addressed to anyone and without being definite or clear.

Why me… _what_? I just kept my head low walking down the street, not looking at the people around me. It was stupid. I  _knew_  they had better things to worry about than staring at a child walking home. But these people were part of my family. Well, no not really family, but more the extended variant of it. A  _clan_. That sounded so… pompous. But in _here_ that was a rather ordinary term. Although, the same now uninterested people made it clear in the first years of my arrival that I was a stranger, even an _intruder._ Yes, I was one of them, but at the same time I wasn't. I raised my eyes from the ground looking around me. Why should I be ashamed? From what I knew this world wasn't even real, and even if it was, I still had no reason to be so humble to these people. As expected no one was staring weirdly at me and no one was whispering around pointing at me. But they used to, three years ago. Now they just didn't care, which was fine with me. I passed the huge house. I looked at it with shivers running down my spine. I knew this house. I did not linger, actually I started walking faster, as if it was haunted. It wasn't, but for  _me_  it was. Not by ghosts, but events I knew would come to pass. I shook my head.  _Not now, **reason**._  After ten minutes I was home. That was a record. The compound was  **huge**.

I opened the door and peeped, carefully sneaking inside.  _Perhaps she's not home_. I prayed the Valar she wasn't.  _Yeah, but which Vala?_  Could I still name all fifteen Valar watching over Middle-Earth? After a mental check of my nerd legendarium, I was rather content to find that yes, everything was in place. I was far too obsessed with Lord of The Rings not to. It was perhaps the only thing linking me to home, to my word,  ** _to myself_**. I sneaked along the hall of the house, remembering the exact number of steps on the hallway passing the rooms _she_ could possibly be in at this hour. She could be in the guests room…nope, a quick glance into the room assured me she wasn’t there. She could be in the small entry to the left… nope, not there either.   _Perhaps she's in the garden._  It was  _her_  obsession.  _Almost there_. I passed the kitchen, one step from the staircase which led to my room and the next level of the house.

''Welcome home, Kaya.''

 _Shit, shit, **shit. Not that name.**_  I grimaced, still not turning.  _She scared the shit out of me._  I turned slowly facing the kitchen and one of the persons I hated and adored at the same time. Hated because, well, I hated everything from this world simply for baing unfamiliar and not from  _my_  world – admittedly I like bitching about everything – and adored because she made delicious food and …

''Oh, hi there.'' I said ignoring all cultural conventions of these people and picking up the cat that started brushing my knees. ''You must be new here'' I mumbled at the grey cat. The little ball of fur started purring immediately as I proceeded to stroke her head and chin. ''Hello Nekkobaa''.

 ** _That sounded so Japanese_** _._  I cursed myself for being so **…** occidental? Not the language, noooo that came naturally almost like … magic? It was imbedded in my brain now since I grew up with the language and learnt – still am learning – to write in it. But of course, it wasn't magic, yet Japanese  _felt_  so natural. And yet my thought process was English. Or perhaps so I thought, after all I was programmed to perceived it as such, I couldn’t just throw 19 years out of the window.  **URGH, why was everything so confusing?**  The Cat Granny didn't flinch at my not-so-local 'hello' and turned towards the stove.  _This woman…. is very strange_. I entered the kitchen and five more cats welcomed me. I didn't mind the cats, I minded only the cat-obsessed Granny.

All I could see now was her orange dress and big grey hair, but I knew she had her cat ears on to keep the hair from her face, and her favorite purple scarf. Damn my shortness for not being able to see much. The food was smelling delicious so who was I to complain? 

 _To think that they assigned her as my tutor…._ And by them, I meant the head of the clan which was only one person really and the Elders of the clan, of course. I did remember (although I didn't want to) when I was called before the head of the clan. The Clan decided to claim me finally, after two years of life, though I couldn't say if that happened because they wanted or because they were made to. I did not, however, remembered extremely clear; only fractures of memories of the man who leads our clan and this bat-shit crazy granny, who was said to be called upon with the sole purpose of taking care of me. This was odd. Well, I knew they couldn't just let a two-year-old fend for herself, since such a thing was absurd, but the context was …. odd. I should be grateful; they took me in and gave me a name, well a last name, and claimed me as their own. But these people were  ** _cold_**. Distant. And they did not regard me as anything but a stranger. Whispering and staring as I walked, and turning a cold shoulder. And I? I was far too preoccupied with figuring out just  **WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON.**  I didn't have time to dwell on all that. I only had time to take in as much information I could and use it, mold it with my own knowledge in order to survive  _here._

''How long 'till dinner, Nekkobaa?'' I complained playing with an orange cat, which mowed desperately.

''Eeh, aren't you impatient?'' she said turning to me and squinting her eyes. ''I've just started and you better not disturb me! Cooking is an art. And let poor Mikasa alone!''

I snickered at the name. Yes, I liked Attack on Titan, no I did not like Mikasa.  I let go of the cat and got out of the kitchen happy to leave Nekobaa to her cooking.  _She'll call for me._ Or the cats will. Another white cat eyed me as I was walking along the hall and up the stairs. I swear these cats could think just like humans. The only difference? They couldn't talk.  _False. Some can._  Yes, but those were kind of far from here in an abandoned city, where Cat Granny's granddaughter, Tamaki, was. She would often talk about Tamaki, with the cats gathered around her. She was, in fact, spending her time divided between me and Tamaki. Every week she would be gone for two or three days and I had the house all for myself. When I was younger she would once a two week or so and some weird fellow – I never got his name – would stay with me.  _I should be kinder to Nekobaa. It must be awfully tiresome._ I didn't spend much time with Cat Granny, despite living in the same house.

I entered my room and jumped on the bed. …  _now what?_  I stared at the ceiling as if waiting an answer from the whiteness or from the shadows the sunset was leaving on it. They were dissolving in a fiery orange and red, almost like being eaten by flames. Darkness drowned in fire. Despair drowned in confusion. Or the other way around? I furrowed my eyebrows _._

 _I am soooo tired_. Exhausted. I knew Nekobaa would worry again but it couldn't be helped. She knew I couldn't sleep well at night, and the medic's only conclusion was that I did not wasted my energy during the day. This was stupid, since I had no energy to start with, but even so I started taking long walks around the village. This way I could map in my mind and remember every street and alley. There were some that I didn't have the guts to take because they were definitely not safe for a six years old child.  _How… can all this be real?_  I couldn't wrap my mind around it. Yet here I was, sitting on a bed, in a world I never would have thought to possibly be real, as a completely different human being, with a different family.  _Well…. More like NO family_. It was…. overwhelming. Too much for my tired mind. I was thirsty for sleep, thirsty for  _understanding_ , thirsty for … death.

I jumped out of my bed and reached for a piece of paper and a pencil.  _Let's see what we know so far._  I hit myself in the head with the pencil, jumping back on the bed.  _I. Not 'we'_. I don't know why I started referring myself to 'we' when consulting my mind.  _So…._  I started doodling with my small writing a scheme.  _First, the blonde woman and the man_. Until this day I still didn't know who they were. I was thinking about this constantly. Even in the first years. I shuddered. Those were the worst. I refused to talk to anyone. Not because I didn't know how, or that I was unsure of my words (which I was and still am), I just refused to speak even one word. I can't explain it. I just spend my time thinking, and thinking, letting other people explain to me who I was in this new world, what was happening and take care of me. Even in orphanage. I just waited to...grow. I shook my head.

 _Back. Go back._  Back to the blonde. I wrote above the 'blonde woman', the word 'reincarnation'. It was the only thing that made sense. I remember seeing fractures of a fall and blood. I must have died and then, was born again… here. I hoped I wasn’t just forcing those memories or whatever they were into my brain and fabricate them myself. They were my only clue to what must have happened. Reincarnation. In a world that wasn't supposed to exist.  _Or was it?_  Perhaps my world wasn't the only one, maybe there was a multitude of worlds and I ended up being reincarnated in such a world.  _To think that I ended up in an anime… or manga._ I wrote that down. I had to figure that up. Well, there weren't many differences between the two, but still. _Actually…_ No. I was NOT counting fillerHELL as being part of all this.

Most likely this was a combination of the two. Back to what happened before the blonde woman. I died?  There was the strong possibility that I did fall from somewhere very high and was stuck in a coma and all of this was my mind trying to keep itself together.  _Then why does it feel like it’s tearing itself apart?_ I massaged my temples and space between my nose.  _So tired_. And yet, if the blonde woman was my new mother than the man was definitely not my father _. But he is the one who brought me in Konoha. And named me (thanks a lot for **'Kaya'** , jackass), and informed the head of the village of my lineage…_ At least that’s what I had managed to gather from Nekobaa. And he knew my new mother which may or may not be dead. I liked to believe that if she was alive she would have searched for me. It was a high possibility that he knew my father as well. My father is an enigma.  _No, not entirely._ This brought me to the next chapter.

I wrote with firm letters 'Uchiha' on the paper and stared at it. This world made me a Uchiha. ** _I am an Uchiha._**  Which wasn't necessary a bad thing.  _Yes, yes, it is_. I mean what could possibly go wrong, with the exception of the Massacre, in which  ** _EVERY_**  Uchiha member dies with the exception of Itachi and Sasuke ( _and Madara and Obito, but hey! They were supposed to dead. If only_ )? This was worse than being reincarnated as Sakura's sister. Or twin sister. Or retarded twin sister with the same pinkish hair but horrible appearance, and lower level of intelligence. I remember my consternation when they told me that I was an Uchiha. The words did not link together in my mind.  _They still don't_.  I did live in the Compound but everyone rather avoided me and I avoided them.

 _How did I end up in the Naruto word again?_  Oh yeah, I still didn't know. So, my mother was an unknown blonde and my father was an Uchiha. Were there blonde Uchiha? I for one, never saw one and Nekobaa stared at me for a solid minute when I asked her. The Uchiha got killed – no, will get killed – by Itachi because they plan an uprising in the village and he has to choose. His choice is to save his younger brother, who grows up to hate him and swear revenge as his ultimate purpose in life.  _Uchiha Sasuke_. I wrote the name with capitals. Who gets put in a genin cell with Haruno Sakura and Jesus – Uzumaki Naruto – Christ. I smiled at the little triangle I made for the trio.  _And I'm in the same academy year with all of them_.

 Ah, Ninja Academy. Have I ever complained about school being boring? Academy was pure torture. I wrote it down as well. I could never be sociable. I shove that thought aside. That was another story for another day to contemplate.

So…. what next? Provided that I don't get killed in the Massacre ( _highly impossible, but I didn’t want to think about it too much_ ), I should pass the Academy exam and become a genin. _Or should I?_  I knew part of what was going to happen but some things were a blur. And not because I did not remember but because I never paid attention to the anime. I just had heard about it from a friend and once I started it I wanted to see if I can watch it until the end. The anime was going too slow so I started reading the manga and well, I finished it. But I certainly did not pay enough attention to certain things. And that scared me. My arrival here was not good. I was going to change things and I did not want to.  _I certainly don't want to_. And also, there was the Massacre. Did the idea of it obsess me? YES. If this life, this world was real than I would die, ( _again_ ) if this world wasn't real then …. I had no idea what would happen _. Limbo? What in seven hells am I thinking about?_  I violently shook my head. I couldn't keep track of my thoughts. Yep, it was one of  ** _those_**  days. Those confusing and not so stable days.

Could I blame being of only six years old, for my inconsequence in thinking?  _No_. Let's try again. So, I had to find out who my parents are in this world, especially my father, because right now I was only a bastard, an unclaimed Uchiha child.  _Uchiha_. I shook my head incredulously. Circular thinking. I was trying to get somewhere with all this analyzing, right? Then why was I going in circles and circles and circles…

 How am I supposed to get used to this thought and wrap my mind around it? I caught one of my black strands of hair.  _So different._ Will I ever watch myself in the mirror and not see a stranger? This… black mess of hair was drastically  _opposite_  from my dirty blonde curls. I missed them. I missed them fiercely. I missed home. I missed my cat, I missed  **myself**.  _Why Naruto? Why not other fictional world?_ They I thought of Westeros. And Panem. And Sauron with the Ring.  _I guess it's_ not  _that bad._ ** _The Lannisters send their regards_.** Yeah, definitely _Naruto_ wasn’t _that_ bad.

Some scraps at my door announced me that dinner was ready. I got up and opened the door letting Mikasa in. The cat came and brushed my legs softly.

"What is it, cat?" I asked her. "Is dinner ready? Yes? Or you just want some affection?"

I had this weird need to talk to animals even if I knew they couldn't understand a word I was saying, and that I looked pretty much stupid. Well, I HAD to talk to someone and people were not an option because I was afrain of them figuring out I’m _different._

"You're a little spoiled ball of fur, aren't you?" I said bringing the cat up in my arms. I could barely hold it. And I hated it. I hated this weakness of my small child body. I had passed adolescence! I was free of hormonal imbalance and bursts of anger. I stopped mid-step while struggling with the cat in my arms and trying to get down the stairs.

"Oh, my Vala," I whispered softly "I have to go through puberty again".

Somewhere in the kitchen the Cat Granny was feeding the five little puffy balls of fur, purring in pure contentment.


	3. Chapter 3

**III** :  **Chaos is a ladder – _Quem deus vult perdere, dementat prius_** ** _._**

 

The cats were moving around me, tangling their tails and my feet.  _Why couldn't she be Hamsterbaa? Little puffy creatures who don't wake you up every morning meowing and jumping on your bed, like a bunch of four years old children._  But hamsters did like to chunk hair and fingers. I remembered very clear my two hamsters back home and how, one time, I had to wrap a bandage tight around my finger to stop the bleeding _. That was one evil she-hamster_. Although to the hamster's defense, it was named Cersei. A long and loud meow caught my attention. I looked at the orange little monster as it was begging for food.

"You're not Tommy" I mumbled. "I miss Tommy".

My orange stripped and very spoiled cat. And adorably stupid. I sighed.  _No Tommy in this world._ I managed to escape the mess of fur at my feet and got into the bathroom. I carefully avoided the mirror while washing my teeth and showering. My appearance was a taboo. No one said that being reborn in a new world, meant you got to keep your physical traits.

I've never been one too concerned about how I looked as I considered that my mind is  **me**. We are born, we grow, we age, and we die. Our bodies are dying as every second passes, but our mind expands itself just as much. That was the only thing that I could truly take with me no matter what happened.  _Well I wasn't half that wrong, was I?_ I wasn’t sure if I’ve developed this life philosophy _before_ or _after_ I woke up with an entirely different body in an equal estranged world. What I do know is that I've always been proud of my genes, mostly because it reminded me of my family and made me feel like I _belonged._ Half of my family had been blonde and the other half red-haired. Thick auburn straps of heavy hair, falling like waves in the wind kissed by sunset and fire.  ** _Of course_** , I ended up as a blonde.  _Not anymore_ , a quick glance in the mirror fixed that thought for me.

I sighed and peaked at my reflection for good. My reluctance and refusal to accept what I could see clearly before me was immature and absurd. A child was watching me from the mirror. A six years old child with black and messy hair. Not me, but a stranger that I somehow knew. Like a distant acquaintance.  My hair was never this dark, like feathers of a crow, and neither was it ever so shaggy. My eyes were never pitch black; neither has my skin ever been so pale. Perhaps I was a little vain and exaggerated? But looking in the mirror, I didn't  _feel_  like myself. My best friend used to make golden braids out of my hair.

And I was so short. Small. Frail. Childish. My face was round again, and not at all long, though it was just as small _. When did I become so attentive about my appearance? I will waste the whole morning in front of the mirror and be late for Academy._  I turned from the mirror with not even one glance behind. I could be stubborn. I was a professionally stubborn person.  ** _All that was good, all that was fair, all that was me is gone._**

Breakfast was silent. Well, Nekobaa  _did_  try to get out of me what exactly was clouding my usual ‘merry’ morning mood. Fussing around and playing with the cats, feeding them to make the meowing choir stop. She kept telling me how my hair was still messy, how I should tuck my shirt in. I nodded at everything she said, and ignored her indications enjoying the calmness of the morning.

Don't get me wrong, I hated getting up before 10 a.m., but here in Konoha I discovered that mornings could be the best time of the day. The sun not luminous enough to bother me and the air colder than any moment of the day, and very humid. It was very refreshing and it did give me the false impression of eternal spring. Poise and calm. It almost felt like dreaming. Then I remembered I was a six-year-old in a fictional world in which I was still supposed to go to an educational institution.

 **Shit. I'm going to be late again.** I got up and snatched my little bag from the hanger.  _Iruka – sensei is going to be **pissed off.**_ Again. Well, I was unfair, Iruka never got that angry at us, kids. No.  _Only at Naruto._   ** _Everyone_** _gets annoyed with Naruto._ But you could barely call him a human and it had nothing to do with the Nine Tails sealed in his body – that, ahem, no one knew about. He was IMPOSSIBLY energic. _He is in his childhood, remember? Bratty and eager to attract attention at all cost._ And lonely. And marginalized.  **AND WHY AM I ARGUING WITH MYSELF MENTALLY?!** I shook my head.

This had to stop, before I developed an inner me like Sakura.  _That_  would be a living nightmare. What was worse, was the ease with which I was thinking about these characters like they were my best buddies since forever.  _Well, we all go to the Academy, and we all know each other more and less._ Yes, but when did it become so comfortable to think about them as real-life  _persons and not fictional characters?_  This was slightly disturbing and dangerous. The idea of being able to travel to a fictional world in itself was in itself a dangerous notion.

Well, they weren’t the characters from an anime anymore. They were made out of flesh, like me, children of a classroom, class mates. I couldn’t see them as fictional characters, because I was actually interacting with them. So per say, Sakura from the anime and Sakura I was interacting with were two different entities. When you see a character from a work, you see what the author wants you to see, but when you meet them… you see your version of that person. _I’m switching characters with persons and persons with characters._

"You are still here? Hurry up; you're going to be late!  _Again_!" said Nekobaa appearing from the kitchen with a watering can, ready to go in the garden. I nodded and waved as I stormed out the door.  _Well, you can't say it's the first time I'm late_.

Though I used to be very punctual in my first year of Academy. Always on time and taking notes, which I must say few did as we didn't learn as much theoretical material as we learned practical and survival things. Ok, admittedly, we were taught principles and the concept of chakra, but you didn't have to actually  _write it down_. But I relied a lot on the visual when memorizing and understanding something, so writing things down was my way of getting used to this new form of 'school'. Well now, you could say I had a natural inclination towards the visual. Got it? Because I was a Uch… Never mind.

Those were the good days of Academy. After that I've got lazy and bored. After twelve years of school I really got tired of the whole hectic life of a student.  _Seven hells. I never got to finish High School and experience the first day at University._ This was profoundly depressing for the little nerd in me, but now wasn't the time for that. I had enough time for that when I got home for my daily evenings of psychoanalysis. I ran down the streets almost slamming into an old lady with many grocery bags. I didn't, but I still clashed into a person taking his time walking and enjoying the beautiful morning. Or whatever he was doing walking  _so freaking slow_!

"Watch where you're going, kid!"

Who the hell walks so slow?  _Well, people who aren't late_. I didn’t even have time to stop and properly apologize to the poor man.  _I can see the Academy!_  I could still make it on time! Well, usually when I told myself that, I  _didn't_  make it on time. I rushed almost breaking the door – no, not really, I was too lithe to do that – and into the Academy. In the first days, I've been very curious to see if there were other classes in the building than the one shown in the anime. Oh, there were, but I had no idea for what since we never used them and I personally have never seen anyone entering or leaving any of them. Then I've learnt that other students were there who had other timetables than us. And there were A LOT of storage rooms. Thinking that we were the only class of students in the whole Academy was, admittedly,  _very_  stupid from my part.

I stopped before the door of the class.  _What if **I am**  late?_ I came closer to the door listening.  _Well, this isn't really helping. I can't hear anything._  Of course, I couldn't. Iruka – sensei wasn't exactly a person to shout or speak  _too_  loud. And, of course I stopped because … I was a coward. Yes, beyond this door was a class full of six years old children.  And they weren’t talking, shouting like a normal class would do when the teacher isn’t present. _Or maybe that had been just my class? Had we been mentally unstable children?_

And I was a little…. terrified.  _This is so stupid. And absurd._ But _,_ indeed I was feeling like a timid little child in her first day at school. But this was not my first day at the Academy, nor was I a child, nor really. The idea of entering a room full of six-years-old anime characters who weren't supposed to be real, suddenly was  _beyond_ absurd. I had no idea why I was thinking this _right now._ Or at least I wasn't supposed to be here. I didn't really care if there were other parallel worlds/universes/whatever out there, as long as I lived  ** _my_** life in  ** _my_** world. But this was completely wrong, swinging worlds and lives like yeah whatever, sure, let's go to Westeros and be a Lannister, or no, let's help Jamie Fraser and enjoy those kilts.  _You're a witch Harriet…_  where the Hel did that come from?

"Kaya-chan? What are you doing?"

 _A very good question._ I cursed silently at my mini introspective space-out and turned from the door. Iruka was watching me with a puzzled and slightly amused expression, trying to figure out what was I doing. His question summed up the very core of my dilemma and new life. What  _was_ I actually  _doing_? I looked away from the teacher, searching desperately for something.  _ANYTHING at all would be wonderful, **mind.**_

"I was…. thinking." _Yes, that’s… perfect._ I could facepalm, but I doubt that would do anything for my … interesting reply and Iruka’s surprised expression.

Iruka was a little taken aback by the half-lie and eyed me suspiciously. In the end he must have decided that I was being just a weird kid because he smiled tolerantly and approached.  _Ignorance is bliss._

"I see. You should hurry inside, Kaya, the class is about to start".

 _Is he actually giving me a chance to_ not _be late? Aw._  I nodded and busted inside giving everyone in the class a mini heart attack, and almost 'teleported' myself to my seat. At least I was NOT late.

Ҩ

I loved the Academy. Well, no, not really, but I loved the lunch breaks.  ** _Everybody_** _loves lunch breaks, clotpole._  Back home we didn't have such a thing in school. We had only one break a little longer than the other, just a tease really. Here, we had an hour to relax, eat, do whatever we want, with the exception of burning the Academy or village down, crush the Hokage Mountain with a tailed beast that we are manipulating and slaughter the majority of the population, you know, generally anything that would hurt someone or damage anything. Or get outside the Academy thereabouts. Heh, these people had no idea what was coming in the future.

The one thing that I really didn't like about the break was  _socializing_. But I was good at blending with the surroundings and not attracting attention. Sometimes I would actually go around and talk to the children. Talk, not play. I tried to play with children of my age once and ended up feeling like a retarded idiot or someone with a mental disorder. I couldn’t get into playing the simple and silly games. I couldn’t enjoy them either. I would just look awkwardly around at the other kids. I really sucked at their games. I’ve never been good with children. Not even now as a child, and I couldn’t remember my childhood friend back home or what I used to do during that time… _You get a chance at being a child only once._

Today was different, today I was really not into interacting with anyone. The other girls might have wanted to chat and play at some point but I managed to slip away and retreat somewhere alone.

Could anyone blame me? They weren't supposed to exist! Or admitting that all _this_ was real,  ** _I_**  was not supposed to be here. Did the existence of this world wiped out the existence of my world? Were they parallel worlds? Could you exist in both at the same time, or was your existence limited in the bounds of one of them? Maybe there wasn’t any co-existence of the worlds at all, maybe in here that one that didn’t exist was my world, my childhood, my family my cat, **me**. In here, the only valid existence, were this 6 years, of living in Konoha with the Uchiha, and the past I was evoking was a mere reminder of a past life. How cruel. To be re-born, but to not have your consciousness wiped out, remembering your life and get stuck in memories. Being reborn with your memory intact. _How cruel, indeed._

Since I arrived, until this very moment when I was enjoying my turkey sandwich – yes,  _turkey sandwich_ , Japanese cuisine didn't really agree with me – I have tried to stay as unnoticed as I could. Every time someone would ask me something I would panic. How do six years old act like? How was I supposed to answer? Or react,  _or act_?! I was an eighteen years old person trapped in this little and well, new body. What if someone actually figured out I was not this… Kaya they talked about. Or was I? _I feel like Jung. Blending with the kids and observing them like observing rare insects._  What if Kaya was a real person here? What if I got re-born in her place? What if in order to get me in here, another soul and life has been killed? _That’s some meta shit._

Also, how was I, in a group situation, supposed to ignore, let’s say, that Haruno Sakura would speak with me? I loathed her character since the first time I've ever saw her in the anime. In time my hatred turned to mild annoyance, but that was not the point, as I can be reasonably civil with people who annoy me. But  _the hair_. I watched from a safe distance the group of little girls laughing and swinging in circles their skirts making circles around them in the mid-day sun. We were outside, in the fresh air and everybody was having a great time, as children do at this age, running and being impossibly active and loud. Not sulking in the shadow of the Academy's building, watching everyone, alone. Nope, I wasn't actually exceedingly good at blending in and adapt, wasn’t I?   _But I'm excellent at contradicting myself_ , _it would seem._

Back to the pack – that wasn't the right word – group of girls.  _Where are they?_ From the group of six or five only two remained.  _Ah, my favorite two._  Best friends. Future enemies. Both obsessively ‘in love’ with a future dickhead. Sakura was looking down, shy and kind of adorable, stealing glances around when she thought no one looked and Ino was leaning along a wall, confidently smiling and not looking at anything in particular. Why was Sakura the shy one?  _Oh. She used to get bullied_. She  _is_  being bullied. Because of her forehead, which was absolutely  **normal.**  Sure, it was a little bigger as in higher and wider, but back home people used to say that intelligent people have big foreheads. Of course, that didn't mean that her pinkish hair wasn't putting me off. Don't get me wrong, I've seen other crazy hair colors – turquoise, grass-green, indigo – but they were  _dyed_  colors. Sakura's hair was natural and, well, for me plain weird.

I smirked as Ino said something I couldn't make out because of the distance. If I got through the Massacre I would love to make her life a living hell. I hated her in her genin years. And she kind of grew on me later on, when they’re older. Too bitchy, too confident, too ignorant and superficial in her early teens. She would mature, both of them would, but until then they were only silly girls playing at being ninja, without knowing what that meant. _Do I know what that means?_   _Does any of us know?_  That was a good point. Here I was isolated and too much of a coward to speak to anyone, too afraid that something I do would change the course of the future. While denying the existence of this world. So logical and rational.

A sharp sound almost made me jump out of my skin. I looked around trying to identify the source of the sound. My eyes landed on Shikamaru who was most probably sleeping, on a small and low leveled table, with Kiba and Akamaru playing around and Shino watching them – I think? Who could tell through those glasses. Were children even supposed to wear something like that? Wouldn't it affect their eyes? – while Choji was eating … something. 

 _It didn't come from there._  It was weird how… normal they looked. I mean, in the anime they had impossible hair colors – Sakura's hair for the name of the Vala – and weird styles – Shikamaru, Hinata… _Wait, where is Hinata?_  Probably hiding somewhere, stalking Naruto. She was my favorite. Silent, caring, kind. Not trying to be social with me. I hated her shyness, it made her vulnerable and caused her to censure her emotions and reactions a lot, but also made her incredibly empathic, but she was somehow more mature than  _those two_.

And thinking about Hinata…  _Oh_.  _The noise_. I was far too easily distracted _._ I stretched my neck to the far end of the yard. The wall of the Academy was sprinkled with red paint.  _Why must it always be red?_  The symbol was a simple drawing by a shaky hand, proof that the author was a  _real artist_. So abstract that I couldn't decide it that was a straight line or a curve. Or both.  _How did he even make that?_ Because, of course, the beaux-arts genius was no one else but  _Jesus Christ_. A spiky blonde-haired Jesus kid who now had red splashes of paint on his whiskered face. His cerulean eyes were filled with mischievous intent and satisfaction with his handy work.  _Oh Vala… Iruka will have a fit._  This was the hero that the whole village would acknowledge. Scratch that. This whole  **world**  will acknowledge him. I shook my head.

Suddenly there was a change. Not a big one, but my contemplative state was interrupted as a shadow appeared not so far from me to my left. Was I so distracted not to observe someone coming right up to my spot? The wind was blowing in the branches and leaves. That's how the sun reached me, in spots of shadow and light, and the arrival of this new and unwanted presence. From all future rookies I already inventoried only one escaped my attention, not really forgotten more like I didn't want to think about, left somewhere in the back of my mind like a buried thought.

I ignored him, maybe a little too obviously, but we were kids so I doubted he noticed. _Tsk, children always notice when they are ignored._ The said person took a 'seat' on the prominent roots of the tree, not far from me. I glanced at him and was met with pitch black eyes. Curious eyes.  _Yet they hold none of the emptiness that will come._  It was so infuriating knowing the plot. How was I supposed to talk to these children and be objective and not see them as the future teenagers  _I knew_  they would become? Perhaps if I really, really tried to get to know them and accept that I was in this word now I  _could_  adapt and not be so conflicted. But I made no effort in that direction. No. I didn't feel like. After all, for all I knew this entire world wasn't real, so nothing that was happening here was real. _Or was it that my world isn’t real?_

I watched as strands of my dark hair danced in the wind, in front of my eyes. It contrasted with the green grass, blending with it like waves of a sea. I sighted thinking of my once golden curls.

"Why do you sit here?"

I turned my head towards Uchiha Sasuke, startled. He was eating something tightly wrapped and looked at me with sharp innocent eyes. It was weird. Creepy. This is the kid that will desert the village, kill his brother, put a hole through his female temporary team-mate and try to wipe out his village. And yet here he is, a child of six years old watching me with mild curiosity and annoyance generated by my lack of response. _Is he embarrassed by my lack of response? Aww._  We were children, that meant no Massacre yet, no plans of fratricide, no plans of destroying the Village, no depression and edginess. Then I began to panic.  _He will definitely figure out I'm not six years old_. Yet, how could he? He was a child, ignorant and yet reasonably creepy. Wasn't Sasuke at this age trying to please his father and be like his brother?

"I don't like the sun" I shrugged my shoulders. _Or people._

He looked at me, as if pondering what I said and then nodded accepting my vague response. This kid was… weird. Well, they all were, but that was because of my utmost hatred for children, rather than themselves being weird. I did not perceive them as another child would. I perceived them as an awkward almost adult person would. This would be perfectly normal if I wasn't physically a child in another word, in another culture.  _So many 'other'._

"Why do you sit alone?"

 _How would he react if I'd just storm off?_ Probably he would be confused. And what was it with the deep questions? Aren’t we like six? However, he is supposed to be rather perceptive and smart for his age – reasons why I avoided Shikamaru at ALL COSTS, you never knew with born geniuses. But  **this** Uchiha Sasuke did not deserve my defensive almost ‘don’t talk to me, ew’ attitude. But curiosity was eating him up like any other child. The fact that he waited to muster up a question that I would answer to, spoke volumes of my non-social attitude at the moment, and I couldn’t not just _not_ respond to that. He was just a curious kid, trying to communicate with his fellow Uchiha.  _Or possible Uchiha._  I still had doubts, since I had no idea who my parents were. Perhaps it should have occurred to me that one of the loneliest characters of the anime has come to sit with me. It should have, because it meant my plan to pass as unnoticed as possible, was failing miserably.

"No one sits here, and I like the silence."

 _This isn't how a young child speaks_. Sasuke tilted his head – yes, like a dog – and a puzzled expression made its way on his face. Considering my background, that wasn't surprising, was it? An orphan being raised by a clan who considered her a bastard. I would be prone to loneliness and quietness. I glanced at Sasuke.  _This is so weird. And wrong._ He was exactly as depicted in the anime, and yet he wasn't, at the same time. He was small, and childish, with the thick back hair and black eyes, contrasting with a pale complex, but not unnaturally pale. You could tell he was an Uchiha from a mile.   _Yet._ I sighted.  _Again_. I didn't know what to make out of  **this**  Uchiha Sasuke.  **This**  Sasuke was yet untainted of the hatred that would, in the end, consume him. All I could see now was a fade character. A child. _Every villain was once a child._

 _But wouldn't all of them be the same_? Were they not children with no worries, no definite personalities? Of course. I had no idea how to act around them. Not when I knew so much  _about_ them. _No, this doesn't help._  If I were to stay in this world for…who knows how much time, I should at least make sure that everything stays in accordance with the anime. That way I knew  _exactly_ what to expect. I couldn't even phantom not knowing what would happen and starting altering the future. _Nooooo_. That was a no-no. Thankfully, our brief discussion was cut short by Iruka.

"Ah, everybody, we shall head towards the training ground. The break is ov – NARUTO?! WHAT IS THAT ON THE ACADEMY'S WALL?!"

_I knew it_ _._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, finally posting another author's note. I'll try to post as few as I can as I have a tendency to go on and on and on and on... etc. You got the idea. I hope so far the story is OK and if you have any feedback to give regarding the writing, spelling, the flow of the story, the characters, the ideas, the narrative perspective, if it's going to slow, please let me know. II want to improve as much as I can as a writer ^_^. Also, happy Halloween/Samhain/Winternights to everyone celebrating it!


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter IV: Easy is the descent into Hell.**

 

"Kaya, do you know what your name means?"

I looked at Nekobaa from my cereal bowl. Mikasa extended its paw to my arm, begging for some milk. The other cats were outside or somewhere in the house napping and leaving fur everywhere. Only this orange cat was meowing and following me all around the house and garden, never letting me out of her sight.  _I wonder if she considers me a little kitten_. I've read somewhere, sometime ago, when I first took Tommy in, that cats consider us bigger felines and that they imitate our behavior and gestures.  _That is actually a scary thought._  If cats did that they would rule the world. And again, that would be  _scary_.

The garden was beautiful. Now, fresh after rain, plants seemed to emanate green. The color was so vivid. It was easy to accept that all this is a dream. Perhaps these six years were only a long dream, compressed in ten hours of sleep. It would be the most realistic dream I've ever had, perfect for a book or a fanfic. I almost snorted at the thought. I couldn't write even a bloody Christmas card.

"Torreya nucifera" I answered. "Yew tree. Or more precisely, nutmeg – yew. A tree. It also means resting place ."

I looked back at Nekobaa playing with the cereals in the bowl. I wasn't hungry anymore.  _Well, she did say a less stupid name._ I remembered that woman again. The blonde one.  _Well, I'm a tree. It's not **that** bad._

"It means ‘elder sister’." Nekobaa said smiling. "It's quite fitting, isn't it Kaya – chan?"

Huh? What? To be frankly, I didn't care. As long as she didn't use 'chan' after my name. I understood that Japanese used honorifics, but I disregarded them. Too mouth – filling. I for one would  _never_  use them. Nekobaa was sewing something.  _It's that… the Uchiha fan?_  It seemed so.  _I will have my own clothes with the clan symbol._ But was it my clan? The past week I've been obsessing with the thought. That and another.  _When did the Massacre happen in the anime?_  Or manga. Or whatever. It was exhausting waiting a mass – murder event to happen. Really.

_I don't suppose I will actually survive it._  Wasn't this the plan? Every Uchiha member shall die except Sasuke and well, Itachi? I might not remember things from the manga but I did remember this. And yet I had no memory of precisely  _when_  it happened. I knew Sasuke was a child. But was he five? Was he six? Was he seven? Or even older? I couldn't remember.  _It's not like they will announce to the world that they want to take over the village._ I wish they had. They would make everyone's lives a lot easier.

I couldn't sleep at night. Unless I exhausted myself, staying awake, often reading, hours and hours until I felt eyes burning in my skull. Then I would fall asleep in weird angles, when the sun was almost rising.  _And the headaches._  Excruciating headaches, which would last for days. I thought it was because I read at night and because I wasn't getting proper rest. This, until Nekobaa found me in bed, not being able to move even a finger without generating waves of pain through my brain. She went after a medic, with a livid face. To my surprise, the problem wasn't reading or the lack of sleep – although they contributed a lot – as much as it was an ocular tension generated by astigmatism. I've never ever,  _ever_ , in my life had problems with my eyes. And I had this feeling that they did not tell me everything. I might not know a lot about ocular problems, but I doubted that astigmatism required eye drops. Or that it generated such massive headaches.  _Well, whatever. It's funny really, an Uchiha with eye problems._  Considering that their kekkei genkai was the Sharingan, which was pretty much dependent to the well-functioning of the eye.  _A dōjutsu_. Kekkei genkai abilities that work via the user's eye. I could picture with my mind eye the history book of the notable clans of Konoha from the Library. It took me a while understanding what the hell kekkei genkai means in the first place. I mean, who uses that terminology, as if we all are specialists in genetics?

I shook my head. Too much thinking. I noticed that Nekobaa was watching me as if expecting something. Has she been talking?  _It seems so_. I blinked, as the Cat Granny sighed.

"You didn't hear anything I’ve just said." It was a statement. The granny sighed again almost exasperated. "I am leaving this afternoon. You have food here and your clothes are clean. Don't burn the house until I come back."

_I won't, unless someone else does._

"Yes, Nekobaa" I said taking my bowl and letting it slip in the sink. I cursed again my shortness. I couldn't wait until I grew an inch or two, as puerile as it sounded. I used to be fairly tall and it wouldn't bother me to be so again.  _It's unlikely._  Judging by my feet and short legs, yes it seemed pretty unlikely.  _That if I don't get killed by Itachi or Obito before growing even an inch._

"I'm going for a walk." I told Nekobaa and took my leave without waiting for her response.

She shook her head, disapproving of how I was spending my free time. Who could judge her? What child prefers taking long walks alone instead of playing with other children?  _Apparently me._  I abandoned my plan of trying to be a six-year-old since I told Iruka that, _man stands face to face with the irrational; he feels within him his longing for happiness and for reason... and that, the absurd is born of this confrontation between the human need and the unreasonable silence of the world_. It just ... slipped.  _He had it coming._ He, like many adults around that have ever seen me around playgrounds or at the Academy,  wanted to know why wasn't I playing with the others and I told him.  _I've known_ , as soon as I opened my mouth to talk that my answer was ridiculously exaggerated, straight from a philosophy book, but curiosity and annoyance was eating at me on the inside. His reaction had been priceless. He just half smiled with a baffled expression, vaguely twitching.  _100% Worth it._

"Why don't you go play or talk with the other children?" offered the cat granny. "You might have some fun".

I seriously doubted. I smiled at the worried face of the granny and left. I couldn't blend with the others; most likely I would get frustrated or tired of the constant shouting and fidgeting of the children. I needed my time alone. To think. To plan. To sulk.  _Does it remind you of someone else? **Not now.**_  I didn't need that. I needed to list what I knew about Naruto and how I could use it in my advantage.

My feet knew the road without my constant attention. I had a route, from the Uchiha part of the village to the village itself. Yes, there was a difference, since the compound and the lands that the clan used were in a corner of the whole village, ostracized from the rest of the community. If I remembered and understood correctly we were under heavy surveillance. ANBU, watching closely every move of the clan members. That thought alone was creepy as hell. Adding that to that my theory that I was under surveillance from both Nekobaa and Iruka. And those were only the people I directly interacted with.

Which reminded me… why were both Iruka and Nekobaa constantly following my every move? I was just an orphaned kid, true, an Uchiha one, but there were Uchiha orphans as well and they weren’t treated like a ticking bomb. I didn’t have the Nine Tails sealed inside me, I wasn’t an ANBU Uchiha spying for my clan or the clan itself (hints, Itachi, hint) and I wasn’t exactly acting out of the ordinary. Yeah, I was an eccentric, but orphans usually are…weird, right? No, there was another reason that had nothing to do with my usual attitude, behavior or anything like that. And it scared me that I couldn’t pinpoint that.

_Ha, Iruka keeping an eye on my progress for the village and Nekobaa for the Uchiha._  They weren't trying very hard; I was after all just a kid, not really a threat to Konoha. I looked around to the people enjoying the summer day. It wasn't quite noon yet, and the morning was still young. The sun wasn't burning my skin yet so the walk could prove to be enjoyable.

_Back to the Massacre._ Yay, back to the darkest corner of my mind.  _Do I really have no event to link the Massacre to?_ That couldn't be. You don't just start genocide without giving out small clues.  _Yes, but usually they are discovered **after**  the genocide._ Well, not exactly, a psychopath wouldn't, but Itachi was neither a sociopath nor a psychopath. But he didn't have to worry about leaving evidence; he even told his own brother what he has done and the village council already knew.  _Danzo_. Of course, he's done that to make sure Sasuke hated him. But still…

What I liked most about the compound – or to be more precisely – the only thing I liked about the compound was the forest. Well, not really a forest, but something like that.  _Perhaps the Uchiha were used to living surrounded by nature, by trees._ I could definitely imagine the black haired people that loved fire so much, actually living out in the woods, because it provided better cover and privacy. Not that now they had a choice but at least they had this enrichment of trees and plants. I, for one, loved nature and this was my escape from the shattered reality I trying to piece out around me. I smiled as I got closer to the clumps of trees. The rest of the people were lost, behind, their noises long forgotten as if I haven't even passed through them. Here only the sun, the leaves and the river spoke. I froze in my tracks.  _The river._

_Shit. How could have I forgotten?_  I cursed my mind and my ignorance. For crying out loud, it was obvious.  _Painfully obvious._  The river.  _The river._  The fucking river. Where Sasuke learned how to perform … that technique, trademark of the Uchiha.  _Something with 'Fireball'._ Yes, that much was  **obvious**. But before that something else happened.  _Think._  I started pacing impatiently, with firm steps, closing my eyes. I tried to ignore the birds – oh look, colorful birds, weee – that  seemed to be chirping in my ears. I hated birds. I mean, I admired their feathers and grace, but their chirping was  _annoying_.

I stopped. Wasn't the river connected with Itachi's best friend death? The one he supposedly killed, but who actually gave his life and right (or left) eye to Itachi? Because Danzo took his other eye.  _Yes. Because he and Itachi were against the clan's coupé d'état._ And pretended that he committed suicide, in the river. What was his name?  The name burned in my mind, but I could not see it to save my life. Quite literally.

_I would know if that happened._  I mean, it wasn't every day that someone decided to end their life. The clan would have started to hoot about this. It would, at the very least, seem suspicious and an entire inquiry would ensue.  But… why would I know about it? I wasn't exactly in touch with  **ANY**  Uchiha member. But Itachi’s best friend was an important, and if not that, then a talented member of the clan, right? Then I thought about how Nekobaa could talk to me and I would hear absolutely nothing.  _Damn my daydreaming._ It was  _highly_  possible that I didn't know about something like this.

_Did the Massacre happen immediately after that guy’s death?_ I didn't know. But I wouldn't have. For a second I imagined planning the assassination. The death of a clan member would alert the head of the clan. They would know that something is happening. They would be suspicious of anyone linked with the dead person. I shook my head. This was stupid. Even a child could deduce that _. Itachi would seem suspicious to his own father, but would he really kill his own family? No._ Or at least that's what his father would think.  _Or not_.

Or perhaps he knew. He knew exactly what his eldest son will do. But didn't have the confirmation until the last minute, when he would slash his throat. He would turn to his younger son. That's why he taught Sasuke how to perform that technique. And one night, or at least that's how I remembered, Itachi killed everyone. End of the Uchiha; R.I.P Sasuke's sanity.

_Now, how much of this actually already happened?_  I liked to think that Itachi’s best friend was alive and, with Itachi, happily trying to avoid a war between the village and the clan, maybe sipping some tea under a sakura tree, yeah? Yeah. I  _liked_ to _imagine_ that _._  But how could I make sure that this was the case? Walking straight to the main house of the compound and demand to talk with Uchiha Itachi didn't seem like a favorable plan. I cursed again my lack of social life among the clan. Would it have hurt to be close and open to the members? At least to insure my survival in an unavoidable massacre? Nooooo. 

I looked around the trees drenched in shadows and sun. I had a lot of thinking to do.

Ҩ

When I finally calmed down and sorted things out in my head, it was dark.  _Nekobaa must have left hours ago_. It wouldn't be the first time she left knowing that I was somewhere in the village, wandering. The first time, she panicked and when I got home she gave me a  _long_  lecture. Then I explained as simple as I could that I liked walking around the village. It was the only way I could relax except from reading. But seeing as reading would often give me headaches… I also compromised to pointing out places where I was going on walks so she would know where to find me, should something happen or if she wanted to check up on me. Better give her a sense of control.

_I should head back._ I had no idea how late it was but the moon was high on the sky and the stars were clear as a mirror. I've frown at the moon. It was round and full, white in the darkness encircling her. Something about it sent chills down my spine, spreading through my body like a cold sweat. What was this feeling? Halves of memories creeping up my mind. I did not understand their meaning.

I stood up from the tall grass of the meadow I found and watched my long shadow tainting the deep green. Night changed every color and shape to its liking, playing with my mind. A great painter said once that the night was more alive and more richly colored than the day. He was right, only that all seemed an illusion. Was I now more aware of my senses then during the day?  _Yes._ No, of course not.

Walking back was tedious. My feet were heavily burdened with exhaustion. For the first time in a  _very_  long time, I knew I would sleep soundly.  _If only I could get faster to my bed._  But I wasn't hurrying up. There was a numbness and need of slowness in my limbs that made me calculate my every move. To put it in a nutshell, I was tired. Dead tired.

_Something is off_. The compound was silent. Was it  _that_  late? I should have returned earlier, I had a body of a child, I couldn't just stay up at night like this, I had to be at the Academy in the morning.  _Shit, I forgot to feed the cats._  If the Cat Granny left this afternoon no one fed them for the night and the six furry monsters will kill me in my sleep if I didn't. How idiotic could I be in one single day?

As I got closer to the streets I got the same peculiar feeling. Night painted the wooden houses around me in sinister colors, contrasting one with the other. In the air was a weird stench. And when I meant stench,  I meant **stench.**   _What is this?_ It was lingering heavy in the air. It didn't occur to me what it was, until houses later, realizing that the wall of one of the houses wasn't blotted in paint but in blood.

I stopped dead in my tracks.  _What?_  I shook my head, trying to wipe away the blurriness of the sleepy state I was in. That didn't wash the blood away from the wall.  _Maybe it's murder._  No shit, Sherlock. _Maybe someone attacked whoever lives here. **Only** whoever lives here._ I looked around trying to calm my mind. None of the houses were clean of blood. Another one had its stairs drenched, the wood thirstily absorbing the red liquid. So much blood… from where the fuck? Did someone just kill people and splattered blood all around just for dramatic purposes? Because it was a _killer_ plan.

No. Nope. _No_. No. NO. _This isn’t happening, this is definitely not happening, no, thisisnothappening, thiscannotbehappening nonononononononononono._

_I haven't seen any corpse yet._  I hanged on that desperately. Perhaps I was dreaming. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears as if the organ was trying to get out of my chest through  my trachea.    _A dream within a dream? I want to the next level. This one is fucked up. Where is Cobb?_ I tried to shake Inception out of my head. I wasn't dreaming and my body was shaking in the breeze. It wasn't cold. A weird shape got my attention in another house yard. I walked fast with my blood burning in my veins.  _Adrenaline._ How nice. Perhaps ** _I_**  was a psychopath after all.

_Isn't that….?_ I calmly looked down to the immobile body of the lady who had the senbei shop. Her round body was in a weird angle with a red gush coming out of her stomach.  _Ew._ I looked farther to the left to see her husband in almost the same state.  _They are dead_. They were dead. Not moving. Their bodies stiff already, most likely.  I stood stupidly stating the obvious.  _But not from long time ago._ The blood was rushing out. I bet it was still warm. Not that I wanted to actually touch them and check out if I were right. I got up from my knees without realizing I was in that position to start with. So close to the corpses.  _These are clean cuts. Fast deaths._ At least he didn't let them agonize. _This isn’t happening. This isn’t happening. This isn’t happening, thisisnothappening_

128\. That many times I have stopped that night, stumbling in my own feet and on other dead Uchiha members, all the way telling myself how this was absurd, impossible and ironical. Actually, I didn’t tell myself anything at all, but afterwards I would often think I did.. My mind just went blank, while pain bloomed in my chest, making it harder and harder to breath. _This wasn't supposed to happen. Not **now**._ Or was it? Wasn't I lying to myself? I looked around with a feeling that the whole compound was spinning with me. The smell of blood was all over me. I bet I was covered from head to toe. Washed in the blood of so many I have checked, stupidly to make sure they were dead and falling like a child learning how to walk _. Shock. It's shock. This isn’t happening._

The moon was all over the place. As was blood. In the black spots, the astral light seemed silver, remote and unyielding. The pale bodies were expose to the clear full moon as if exposed to the public. An exposition, a spectacle and a lesson. I failed to see it. All I could see were spots of shadows and firmaments of reality. I was drowning in blood, corpses and despair. But everything felt as if I was watching from somewhere far away. This couldn't be me running like a scared rabbit falling in a pool of blood and getting up once more. Where was the calmness from the meadow? _And why is there so much blood?_ Soo much red and black.

Numb. A numb pain governing over despair, spreading in my feet, painting the ground in dark ruby splashes over the ground. Earth was drowned and infested with this sticky liquid. The bent limbs of the lifeless bodies around me reminded me oddly of a feast. A feast of the dead.  **A feast for crows.**  I felt a scream clinging to my throat. It was hiding right behind my vocal chords. If couldn't let it out. I wouldn't stop.

My mind wasn't here. No. It was somewhere in the heavy bloodied air.  _How many of these corpses will be full of maggots by tomorrow_? Almost all of them. I stopped to a tree to empty my stomach.  _Stupid morbid thoughts._ I was sweating like a pig and the sweet metallic smell made me throw up again, again and again until there was nothing more than a green liquid coming out.  _That is bile_. I've never had problems with it. _Even now, I make things all about me._  Then again, I never went through a mass – murder experience before.  _That person's femur was eaten. I wonder where the splinters went._ I've never seen a bone broken like that, like glass. Wasn't sure it was possible until now.

_By the Angel, this is bad._  I coughed violently almost making myself vomit again. My insides burned and a sharp pain was pulsing in my stomach and chest.  _I made myself sick._  Yes, indeed, because having dozens of corpses mauled in multiple ways was absolutely no reason to be sick. Just another normal day, well night, in the Uchiha compound. _I can’t breathe, I can’t fucking breathe, thereisnoaircomingandgoinginmylungs._ I’ve started drowning in sobs and gasping for air while my chest felt heavier than a mill stone. I couldn’t see I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t think. I’ve might just well be dead, at least then the pain in my chest would have stopped.

I’ve started laughing. No reason. I did not recognize my laugh. It was more an agonizing scrape escaping a contracted throat.  _I must be feverish._  The tree I was kneeling before seemed awfully cold. The ground was hard and harsh beneath my legs and as I discovered a second later, beneath my check as well.  _Oh shit_. I wanted  _so_  bad to sleep.  _So bad_.

_Tragedy, tragedy, tragedy, tragedy, tragedytragedytragedytragedytragedytragedytragedytragedytragedytttrrraaageedy. And trauma._  That’s for being ignorant and withdrawn, hahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhhahaaahaha

A moment later something shifted. I scrambled to my knees. I couldn't get up. Well, this is surprising. _At least I can move now_. There was this sickening smell, sour and sweet at the same time, really close to me.  _Oh my Vala, tell me I have not fallen in my own vomit._ I didn't have time to check out, the shadow that caught my attention proved to have a human shape.

"Hello Itachi."

In a million years I wouldn't have imagined that my voice could sound this calm, but so broken. You know those people that have those things that make them talk even if they have their vocal chords destroyed? I have no idea what they are called because I’m uneducated as fuck, but it’s a robotic voice that’s kind of weird That’s how my voice sounded, like someone didn’t do a good job implanting that thing in my throat. I wasn’t even sure he heard me, since I was still trying to get air into my lungs.

"Kaya"

It felt stupid to be surprised that he knew my name.  _He would know it. I am the bastard of the Uchiha._  And well, they were known to have exceptionally good memory. Speaking of memories, funny to see Itachi now, since last time I’ve seen him had been three weeks ago when we were in full summer and heat were merciless with any living creature. That day in which I met both of them without any rush of a crowd or formalities. Itachi was carrying Sasuke on his back. I remember thinking how cute they looked, Sasuke on his brother's back keeping close a small bow and a quiver. That was new to me. Archery wasn't a very ninja thing. Or at least I didn't know. Of course, Sasuke wasn't exactly a shinobi, since he was six years old. To my surprise he was the one who saluted me. He even explained enthusiastically how he helped Itachi with his mission to kill a wild boar. I remember asking Itachi if Sasuke really could shoot with a bow because boy, at this age? I wouldn’t have been able to pull an arrow in the string with the sticks I had as arms. Of course the little brat got offended by my disbelief and challenged my to an archery round. Ha. Which I’ve accepted. I haven’t been doing archery for years for nothing in my previous world. Heh. He was stealing glances at his older brother seeking approval and recognition. It was weird seeing him so … normal. Like the child he was. Itachi on the other hand… And now a drenched in blood Itachi was fixating me with blood red sharingan eyes. Heis hair was sticky and hanging. So, genocide didn’t come with a clean image, huh.

"Are you going to kill me, Itachi?" I asked. My voice was neutral and it almost scared me. Where was the weakness and desperation? But I did not feel any of them. I almost felt euphoric if not a little drunk. I could finally breathe and I was happy that at least that I could do. The world was spinning with me.

"Go to sleep, Kaya".

_Good idea_. I stiffed at the sharp pain in my stomach, clutching the section of the abdomen I knew corresponded to it. The pain was agonizing. Everything was agonizing. And I was tired, so tired. I wasn't aware of my surroundings anymore. Not really. My mind was wrapped in blood and vomit and stung with desperation and spite. I abandoned myself in darkness as I did six years ago, but no cold comforted me, no icy stings, all was eaten by a suffocating heat and a fire burning me until the last strand of my being turned to ash and cinder.

Three weeks later the whole Village Hidden in the Leaves, if not the entire Land of Fire knew of the Uchiha Massacre, everyone with its own version.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! If you have anything to say about the story, suggestions, mistakes you’ve spotted, observations, please let me know. This chapter has been a handful.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter V: Never trust a duck**.

 

The first lights found me in the bathroom brushing Mikasa's fur. In the last week she's been throwing up balls of fur all over the place and it was  ** _slightly_**  disgusting. I woke up at 5 a.m. to be hit by something sticky and warm right in my face.  _Disgusting cat_. Only the thought was turning my stomach. Now, she was purring content as I pulled the brush out of her fur.  _The little bastard_. She even closed her eyes. And to think that she is the only one that remained. I haven't seen the others in years, since … that happened.

"Oh, now you're sleeping and not vomiting on my face, aren't you? You little shit."

One hour after brushing the cat I was in the kitchen eating. I tangled my fingers through the damp hair trying to dry it faster.  _Yeah, that won't happen_. The sun was almost dim in the small kitchen.  _Good_. Now. The sun was my new arch enemy. I could tell that it was shining bright just by the wandering rays on the table.  _I have to apply the eye drops._ I hated them too.

Mikasa meowed loud purring and begging for some extra food.  _I regret so much castrating you._  She got really round and full of puffy fat. I was to blame but I couldn’t take the nights full of meowing anymore. She got bigger and bigger.

I started braiding my hair.  _Why did I let it grow this long?_  It wasn't  _extremely_  long, not even brushing my waist.  _Not yet_. Then I remembered that I wasn't capable of always making sure to cut it to a certain length, so I just to let it grow.  _Still damp_. It would dry in the braid.  _Ha. I will look like Katpiss Evergreen._  I looked at my long, dark braid, dangling on my shoulder. Better than getting in my eyes. I’ve made a terrible mistake years ago. I tried to cut it out of my face, and by that, I mean, _very short_ …. and it got slightly  _curlier_  and by slightly I meant Claire Fraser version. It was so annoying I decided to let it grow so it would straighten. IT DIDN'T.

_I think I'm quite ready_. I got up and looked to the tiny apartment. Nope, I haven't forgotten anything. Mikasa protested when I got close to the door ignoring her food bowl. I _also_ ignored her long meowing while getting out of the door and locking it. Starting from today, she was on a diet.

_I really hate the sun_. I felt like a plant kept in the basement for too long and now dragged out in the sun. It was pure agony walking down the streets of the village.  _Maybe I should start wearing sun glasses like Shino._ That would complete my all-black appearance, indeed.

When I got to the Academy I was surprised to see that I wasn't late.  _This is odd._  Being late was my personal touch to my time at the Academy. To break it now, at the end… I sighed dramatically to myself and looked towards my seat…. which was occupied.  _What the Hell? That is my spot_. In my seat was a girl I have never talked in  _my_  entire life at the Academy, but apparently, she decided _in the last say at the Academy_ to steal  _my_  seat. I waved the thought away. Did it really matter anymore? 

_The last day at the Academy._ Ha. The exam day. I smiled suddenly feeling that today became a thousand times better. I loved exams. Tests, examinations, you name it. The whole atmosphere was tensed with students talking nervously and laughing a little louder than usually (which was fucking LOUD).  _And here I stand excited about getting over with the thing._  All these years wasted on learning … nothing. Or at least, nothing I couldn't have learnt on my own. The same problem with the schools in our world really.

"Are you going to sit, or continue blocking the entrance?"

I turned, surprised not realizing exactly how much time I've sat there with people going around and trying not to bump into me. A very bored twelve-year-old, or something like that, Nara Shikamaru was expecting my answer as he sat down on a random seat. I narrowed my eyes disapproving.  _People like this steal other people's seats._

"I was actually contemplating if ducks are truly evil" I answered taking the seat beside him. "I fed them once poultry pie by the lake and they ate every piece of it. Bloodthirsty little beast" I gazed into nothingness.

"And? What was your conclusion?" He asked mildly curious and somehow amused. I looked to him as serious as I could and accentuated each word.

" ** _Never trust a duck_** ".

He snorted and returned to his sleepy state but with a ting of amusement (I guessed?), as I was feeling proud that I was the cause of it. I smiled content with my bad joke.  _My jokes are bad, and I should feel bad._ Especially when they are borrowed from books that don't exist in this world.  _Yep, I **should**._  I slowly shook my head still amused with myself. Bless me for entertaining myself.

Another person approached and it you didn’t need to be a genius to know who it was based on the size. No fat joke, I swear.  _Oh, look how sociable I am in my last day at the Academy._ More than I've been all twelve years.  _Twelve years._  The realization hit me like a punch in my gut as it always did when I remembered.  _Who forgets that they spent twelve years in one place?_

"Hello Choji, may I take I chip? I love chips."

His salute died on his lips the moment I opened my mouth and addressed him. He froze, his mind taking in the new phenomena, while Shikamaru eyed me suspiciously, not bothering to completely turn to me, just sort of dangling on the desk half awake. I raised my eyebrows watching them.  _I never said I'm socially incapable_. But I was, oh I was. In the end Choji awoke from the shock, a little confused, his round face lighting up with enthusiasm.

"May I?" I repeated amused, pointing to the chips bag he was holding.

"Ye- Of cour-sure!"

_Four words at the same time_. I served myself from his chip bag ignoring the surprised and confused expressions of the two.  _They must think I'm a wacko._ I smiled to myself which was probably not helping at the moment and I could see the two exchanging a worried glance.  _DON'T LAUGH AS FLOKY._  I didn't, thank the Vala.

"Good morning, today you will be taking you final exam at the Academy".

Already?  _The faster, the better_. I had a hungry cat at home that would begin to eat my rose geranium. Iruka was in front of the classroom addressing the students I didn't notice coming in after me.  _Soo observant_.

"If your name is called, come to the classroom next door" Iruka continued. "The subject will be replication technique"

_What a shock_. Well, actually some voices in the classroom did express their surprise and my eyes landed on a spiky blonde head. I couldn't say how he took the news since all I could see was his back. But judging by the fact that his hand went up in the air and landed on his head, he wasn't particularly thrilled about it.  _He seems so damn lonely._ As cliché as it was, I couldn't put it better. I knew he was having a mini panic attack just from hearing of what our exam consisted of. And he had no one to share that to. No one to talk to. No one to tell him that seeking attention by all means necessary won't get you friends. Well, that really sucked for him. I stopped myself from feeling pity for Naruto. He was strong enough to get pass that in time. All I had to do was watch and make sure that everything goes according to the original plot. That I alone had in my head. And I had to make sure it didn't change.  _OH, MY VALAR. I AM GOD._

"Uchiha Kaya"

_Hugh?_  I got on my feet as soon as my brain caught up with what was happening.  _Damn. This becomes a habit._  I was always forgetting that my name came  _before_  Sasuke’s and I was waiting to hear ‘Uchiha Sasuke’ and mentally prepare myself for the social anxiety to kick in. And speaking of the other Uchiha, I peeked from the corner of my eye to see the dark-haired future dickhead. Yes, I  _peaked_ , while everyone’s eyes were glued to my standing form. You can imagine my  _absolute thrill_  when my eyes collided with black ones of the person already mentioned. I averted my eyes and exited the classroom.  _Have I mentioned how much I hated humans?_ Yes, yes, I did.

Ҩ

I looked at the crimson drenched in deep purple sky with the strong urge to vomit again.  _Damn my stomach. I_ crawled my way down from the roof and back into the house. My limbs were so heavy that I collapsed on my bed and on Mikasa's tail.

"Yeah, yeah I'm sorry!" I snapped annoyed by the meowing burst that followed as the cat got up and turned furious to me. "Not in mood for you shit".

The cat ignored me.  _Of course. She's an animal._  I could feel my stomach calming and slowly the sudden nausea was fading. It was the third time I emptied my stomach today. The reason? I had no idea. It was an automatic reaction to random things. Unless I was the new Virgin Mary. Before even getting my period.  _No, this is psychological._ I snorted.

After a couple of other minutes or hours I got up and headed to the kitchen. I had to eat. If I continued like this I could seriously get ill. It was bad enough that I couldn't sleep; no food _and_ no sleep was the ultimate combo for an early grave.  _If I don't sleep, I can't think. If I don't eat, I can't live._  I opened the fridge scowling as I could feel the beginning of a headache.  _Let's see. Old food, old food, gross food, not food, old food, still not food, ramen._ This was ironical. I hated ramen but apparently, I had nothing else to eat because  _someone_  forgot to do the groceries. I picked the ramen and cat food as I could feel the presence of the little monster.

"Here you go, little ball of fat" I said as I opened the can with Mikasa's food and empty it in her bowl. "At least one of us manages to store fat for the winter. Piglet".

The cat didn't even glance at me once. I sighed, sitting in my unmade bed and ate.  _At least this much food to have in my stomach. Perhaps this time it stays there._  I wasn't hungry, but I was feeling much better now after vomiting, as strange as that was.  _Perhaps I should have a checkup._  Weren't we supposed to, now that we were genin? Since we were supposed to be photographed for our profiles, I guessed we would also have gone through a medical checkup. It made sense to.  _If not, I'll have to ask for an appointment at the hospital._  How nice.

This brought me back to today's exam. I passed as I was expecting to, although that didn't mean I hadn't been nervous like a scared chicken when examined. Chakra was so unnatural for me. For three years I've been trying to get used with it, to use it but even today it felt a little alien to me. Yes, I've been able to perform a simple jutsu as Clone Technique, but I wouldn't be as confident about other justus. I _haven’t tried_ other jutsus. At times like these I would regret not being raised by a family of shinobi. By any family for the matter. By parents to explain to me what chakra should feel like and that the weird energy flowing like a wire in your body is a natural thing. But no… I’ve only attended the Academy, sit a writing exam and passed a practical one and I still have no idea what being a shinobi really is. But I was the first rank, a genin and was expected to know. Does that make sense? No? Good, because it shouldn’t.

 It’s like wanting the freshly graduated university student to have 8 years of experience in the domain, on a similar or the same job, 10000 work projects already done, be fluent in 15 languages and to not expect in any form a salary that would allow him live for the following three months. You know, the basic requirements for getting a job.

I sighed. Did I always used to contradict myself like this, or it got worse since  ** _that_**  night?  _No._ Yes.  **Wonderful.**  Perhaps I should find a good psychologist. Or psychiatrist.  _But not those from the hospital_. Those were idiots that didn’t the difference between schizophrenia and depression. After Itachi killed the entire clan, I woke up in a bed, connected to some beeping machines and with a smiling lady who introduced herself as Dr. Whatever. She was a psychiatrist. We spend an entire hour talking about candles. Yes, candles and how do they make me feel. Retarded, I tell you.

I shifted and my forehead protector came untied from my arm. I  _have no idea what to do with this._  I didn't want to wear how you were supposed to, as its name deemed, because my face was really getting sweaty in summer, but I had no other idea where to tie it. I didn't have the creativity of Ino, Sakura, Hinata to actually make it look more like an accessory.  _It isn't an accessory you fool, it's a symbol and its purpose is to protect your forehead, clotpole._  Nah. I would see what to do with it in the morning.  _Probably I'll just tie it back on my arm._  After all I had to get up early for the explanatory meeting. ….and I was kind of scared of. It would be the first time that my presence in this world would disrupt the normal course of events. _Or maybe not._  There were 10 teams, three of which I knew and the others I had no interest in. But I wouldn't fit in any, for the simple fact that I wasn't supposed to be  _here_.

Twelve years…. Added to eighteen. But I didn't feel that old. I didn't feel old, I felt just…. lost. As if age, appearance, personality didn't matter anymore. As if time stopped for me, but it was finally catching up to me. Well almost. I felt  **broken**. I wasn't even certain who I was anymore. But, well, this world wasn't done with me as it got me through the Massacre. It would have been so much easier if I would have died then. Another death. Been there, done that. I shook my head.  _Enough self-pity. I must get some sleep._  I put the bowl down on the floor – Mikasa will be sniffling and circle it at night, but I was too tired to go to the kitchen – and did just that. Blackout.

At four in the morning I was emptying my stomach once again in the toilet.

Ҩ

_This is fucking ridiculous._  I watched the black hair stick weirdly in air.  _It really does look like a chicken's butt._ Sasuke turned his head as if he could hear my thoughts.  _Genius._  He narrowed his eyes when I didn't avert my eyes.  _Well, this isn't at all weird_. It didn't help that I was right behind him. I opened my mouth to speak, when I heard a loud thump from the entrance of the classroom.

"FIRST!"

_What the hell?_  I watched the blond and the pinkie panting hard as if they've been running from the other side of the village.  _Oh, that's right._  I forgot about the rivalry between Ino and Sakura.  _Yeah, it isn't like it’s one of the most important factors in Sakura’s path in her genin years._  I was a genius, truly.  _How can they speak so loud that it reverberates in the whole classroom?_

"I win again, Sakura" Ino smirked getting the hair out of her sweating face. Ew. This is why I hate summer.

"What are you talking about? My toe entered the class before yours by a centimeter."

"You must be shi – joking me" I sighed as they started to argue about whose toe entered the class first and by how many centimeters. For the record, it has been Ino. Wait, wasn’t this before _that_ happened? The start of the shipping war? I looked around and surely enough, a blonde head was turned toward the commotion at the entrance. Had I mentioned I was sitting in the seat just behind Sasuke’s?  _Oh shit. Shit. Too much socialization. Abort mission._ I’ve gathered my things as fast as I could.

"Ohayou Sakura-chan!"

"Get out of my way"

_Too late. She's here._

"O-Ohayou, Sasuke-kun!"

_Yeah, good luck with that_. I looked at the pink haired girl with amazement. I mean. Who shoves a person so fast out of their way? And like that.  _Poor Naruto._  The blonde was somewhere behind Sakura. I should have befriended him. I felt a pang of guilt. I knew exactly how lonely he was, but I did not dare do anything about it, because we needed Naruto Jesus as we know him.  I turned to Sasuke who was ignoring Sakura as much as he could. Seriously you could actually see the effort he was putting in it.

"That's rude" I said catching his attention. "You could at least return the ‘hello’."

"Can I sit next to you?" continued Sakura taking full advantage of what I said – or ignoring it? – and hoping her dear Sasuke-kun would talk to her.  _Damn you Sakura. Maybe he would have if you didn't force your face in his view._  No, probably he wouldn't have.

"Hey! I'm going to sit next to him."

_Odin, give me patience_. Ino came straight up to Sakura and caught her elbow.  _This is a good time to escape_. Or it would have been if other girls didn't block my desk. I was trapped on one side by the flock of girls and on the other by a guy who was gawking at the scene like we didn’t have something similar every now and then every damn day at the Academy. Ah. I had an idea.

"Know what? Never mind" I said getting up. "I understand perfectly".

"And who are you?"Ino inquired even bothering to stop arguing with Sakura. …seriously? We all knew, who everyone was. I was a little asocial, but that much. I looked at the blonde. I’ve also used to be a blonde, but not _that_ blonde. I stood up with my bag on my shoulder and walked towards the flock.

"I'm no one" I said elbowing some girls while making my way out of the row. "If you excuse me…"  _There goes the plan to make her life a living Hell._  Oh, shut up.

But then, who said that trying to get out of a crowded desk is easy?  _In the Naruto world_? Pff. In any world. Hard.  _Very hard_. Especially when everybody stops. I frowned, confused following their gazes.

" Oh, no. What is that idiot doing?" I whispered to myself not being able to stop myself from speaking out loud.

_It's **that**  moment_. I snickered at the sight of Naruto standing on Sasuke's desk, their faces centimeters away.  _It's like he **wanted**  that to happen. _Who stands so close to anyone’s face anyway? Unless you intend to actually kiss them. Cheers for all the NaruSasu shippers.  _Perv_. I wasn't a pervert. But I was delighted to get blackmailing material.

 "Naruto! Stop staring at Sasuke-kun!"

"No" I giggled at Sakura. "This is going to be good, just watch". Sakura looked at me confused and still very uncomfortable with Naruto standing so close to her beloved _. If only she knew…_ And then the kid who was standing behind Naruto moved. Yes, I've been very observant to the details of the whole scene. No, I wasn't into Yaoi – I was a fucking liar, Viktuuri shipper for life, WE WE’RE BORN TO MAKE HISTORY – but damn I was going to make sure this haunted Ino’s dreams.  _Look at me, I'm so evil._

"Sorry" said the guy who provided the gayest moment I've ever watched as a kid back in my world when I could watch anime on TV.

Everything went mute. Of course, I’ve started laughing.  _This_! Not even Naruto or Sasuke reacted at their unintended kiss. And when they did, the entire class was outraged.  _That glorious view._ Oh, vala, someone should remind them or better, make them do this after they defeat Kaguya. That would be  **HILARIOUS.**

"Naruto, I'm going to kill you…"

"My mouth is going to rot!"

"Was this my fault?!"

"Haha, now we know why you ‘re ignore every girl in the class, Sasuke." I laughed as the two tried to wipe out their mouths. "But I didn't know that Naruto swings that way as well".

I swear Sasuke was planning 100 way to skin me alive.

"Kaya-chan!"

Sakura put an end to my laughter as I looked at her surprised.  _She knows my name._

“There’s your answer” I turned to Ino who gave me a confused look.

While I was moving to a more peaceful seat, Sakura and the rest of the girls in the class took care of Naruto. As in he was now beaten to a pulp, in a seat next to, quite ironically, Sakura and Sasuke.

"Good morning class" Iruka entered the class oblivious to the daily drama. "Starting fromtoday, you are all official ninjas, but … you are all still genins. From here it's going to get harder."  _You have no idea._ " You will all be placed in a cell of three, under a Jounin teacher."

_This is it_. I wasn't supposed to be part of the class so our number was uneven.  _I can't be the only one who noticed this._  But everything was ok, as long as those three fuckers ended up in the same team.  _No, all the teams must be the same._ Shit. That's right. Suddenly, the variables multiplied from three to nine.  All teams must be the same, since they all had their roles to play in the future. _Why haven’t I thought of this earlier?!_ Maybe they will announce that some of us will not take the ninja path for literally any reason they can muster. But we were uneven by only _one_. They must have had a plan or something. I’ve started hyperventilating with a page from my sketch book. My eyes searched the class the other rookies, jumping from one to another agitated by the wait. As Shikamaru would say, this was troublesome.

"I wonder who's going to be in Sasuke-kun's team." I heard Ino saying beside me, loud enough so Sakura would hear.

"I don't know" Sakura answered with nonchalance but the glance she threw Ino was anything but that.

"Please, don't. I want to hear the teams" I said exasperated.

"Gomen, Kaya – chan. You're right".

I looked at the pinkie suspicious. Why was she being so nice? Perhaps I was a little too harsh to judge Sakura only based on her crush on the biggest dickhead in the class. She was after all only twelve.  _We all are._ Right, I should not forget that.

"We've arranged the groups such that overall abilities are equal. "continued Iruka. "Ehm, Kaya-chan you should head to the Hokage office."

… What?

"Can't I go after the announcement of the teams?" I was talking very calm while my mind was a whirlpool of thoughts. Why would I be summoned by the Hokage? First thought: they knew. They somehow found out I wasn't this Uchiha girl and that I was from another world. But they couldn't.  _There's ANBU. And Danzo_. But I didn't do anything to give myself away.  _Anything at all, besides being a total asocial child with cat-friends only, who talked about Camus and Nietzsche and quoting things that don't even exist in this world._  Yeah, but children do that…. don't they? Wait, what was I thinking? Give myself away? I wasn’t a spy or anything, I was just a soul who had been reincarnated in this world, how was that my fault?

"I'm afraid it would be rude to keep the Hokage waiting, Kaya-chan."

_Do you know what it would be rude? The teams not turning out as they are supposed to, and Kaguya coming back in six years from now and fuck up the world as you know it._  I reluctantly nodded and got up. It's not like my presence here would change anything if that did or didn't happen. The teams would be announced as thwy were on the paper Iruka was holding whether or not I was present in the classroom.   _But damn, it would have been nice knowing them._  Now I had to wait until I came back.  _If I come back._

"What did you do?" Ino said in a singing voice smirking slyly. I frowned at her rather satisfied smile.  _This girl._

"Nothing. I’ve just killed his cat. " I was well aware of the horrified eyes fixed on my back on me as I exited the class.After all, it was usually Naruto who visited the Hokage building, but never in this formal manner.  _I'm fucked._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Argh. This chapter had another 8 pages of Word. Way too long. I had to split it. Now I’ve f-up my chapter count, yay. I am very tired and I’m not sure if next week will be any chapter because I have some questionnaires to prepare for my research (psychology student in last university year struggles that you don’t care and should not care about). Thank you for the reviews and please keep me updated about the evolution you can see (or can’t) in the story. Personally, I would have liked to post the whole chapter because it’s a time jump from the Massacre and I feel like Kaya’s being more of a bystander. That will change in the next chapter (that was actually the same one, eh).


	6. Chapter 6

 

**Chapter VI: Dynamics and ducks**

 

I walked fast.  _Faster._  No, if I went faster I would break into running; I didn't want to let it consume me like this.  _Fuck, this wasn't supposed to happen._  Why the hell did it happen anyway? It had no logic.  _Yes, yes it does._ And it doesn't. And JSADGIASQDBIASBCCISADBCHUWEFUWH! _Calm down._

I started walking normally, if not a little robotically until  _the door_. Yeah, just like always the door of the classroom was a bigger problem than it probably should be. Perhaps I had some sort of phobia or shit. Ooor perhaps I had social anxiety. Yeah, **perhaps.** Should I just barge right in? Ah, what about the eraser? But this was a little too early for that. Or at least that's what I hoped. I really wasn’t looking forward to be showered in chalk dust. I opened the door and waited some seconds before entering.  _No eraser, that's good_. Three pairs of eyes fixed on me. Poor things. They must be waiting for some time now.

"KAYA – CHAN?! NO WAY! YOU CAN'T BE OUR TEACHER!"

I flinched at the shouting blonde, closing the door and stepped further into the room, thankful that he didn’t set the eraser yet.

"Don't be so loud, Naruto. I can hear quite well".

"Baka, of course she's not our sensei, she's a genin as us!" Scowled Sakura, and then turned to me smiling friendly. "Why are you here, Kaya-chan?"

 _Must be bipolar this one_. Her being so nice and polite really scared me. It gave me the impression that she was plotting my slow and painful death. The third one in the room was eyeing me curiously. I sighed.

"I have some business with your sensei and I figured he didn't arrive yet so I came here."

"Oi, you know who he is?! Tell us!" I mentally smashed myself for saying that. _Of course_ they would be curious. I watched the blonde anxiously waiting for me to unravel the mystery of their sensei's identity. It didn't escape me Sakura's expectant expression or Sasuke's head tilted towards me.  _Ha, children._

"Patience is a virtue, Naruto". I smiled at their disappointed and frustrated expressions.  _What a joy is in frustrating people._

 Naruto walked away from me, bubbling something about cruelty and unfairness. I was so content, walking to the window to admire the sun still on the sky.  _I hate it so much_. The sun? Yes. Being here with these three? Yes again.

“The three of you… are in the same team? That’s hilarious.” I giggled when Sasuke scowled refusing to look at us _peasants_ around him.  Naruto grinned at me and I still couldn’t get more bewildered by how easily these children were changing moods. Problems with emotion regulation, anyone?

"He’s quite late, isn’t he? How much have you guys waited until now?"

"Two hours".

I sighed. I hate people. Truly. I nodded and turned back to the window.  _How funny…_  How funny, that our positions betrayed exactly what we were thinking. Naruto at the blackboard doing… something, excited about the whole team thing, Sakura trying to act as calm and nonchalant as she could, flipping her hair but pacing the classroom in anticipation, Sasuke at the desk still unsatisfied by the idea of having other team mates since he viewed them as deadweight on his road to avenge the clan and me at the window, ready to leave at any moment as I didn't want to be here. What a picture we made.

"Why is the sensei of our team the only one late? Iruka-sensei already went home!" Naruto exclaimed. And who could blame him?

"That's not very important" Sakura said, supporting herself on a desk. That not very…? What the fuck?

"Ha. I bet the other teams are home as well by now" I said adding my complaint to Naruto's. Sakura turned to me but didn't say a word.  _Interesting._

"What are you doing, Naruto?"

_The wait is almost over._

"This will teach him to never be late again" Naruto said adjusting the eraser he balanced at the door as a prank to the grey shinobi. "It's his fault for being late"

"It's your own fault if you get in trouble" Sakura disapproved glancing at the eraser.

"A Jounin will never fall for a plain old trap like that."

"And the duckling finally spoke" I announced clapping. "Plot twist: he actually falls for it and makes you look like a fool and Naruto as a trap genius."

"Duckling?" Naruto asked confused as I smiled innocently as a response to Sasuke's glare.

"Yeah, you know the back of his hair …"

"Sasuke-kun's hair doesn't look like a duck!"

"You're right, Sakura, it looks more like a chicken's butt…"

"…"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! SASUKE'S HAIR LOOKS LIKE A CHICKEN'S BUTT!"

"NARUTO!"

"Shhh. Steps"

Thank the Vala _. I really shouldn't feed their childish urges_. And also, I shouldn't dig my own grave even deeper, judging from Sasuke's glares and still very attitude. A hand appeared and the grey spikes of hair.  _Finally._  …. and the eraser fall landing with a 'puff' on Kakashi's head and then on the floor. Out of consternation, none of us said anything. Until the blonde exploded.

"He fell for it! He fell for it!"

I snorted coming closer and I could  _feel,_ annoyance and disappointment emanate from Sasuke. Ha. That duck.  _I really shouldn't call him that._  But I wanted to get a reaction out of him, beside death glares.

"Gomenasai, sensei! I tried to stop him, but I Naruto-kun didn't listen to, me…"

….. Really? I shook my head half amused, half annoyed, playing my fingers of the desk Sasuke was sitting at. Apparently, he didn’t have a problem with tapping noises. Damn it. 

"Don't worry. He  ** _is_**  a Jounin."I rolled my eyes.  _Finally, a reaction_. Well, not really. The black-haired looked at me frowning. I smiled amused at his confusion.  _Nope, Sasuke I don't read minds._  Though I wish I had, that would be awesome.

"How should I say this… my first impression of you guys" Kakashi spoke for the first time with the eraser in his hand. "… I hate you."

Ha. Haha. Hahaha. No. Not really. That really crushed everybody's high spirits.  _Sasuke has such a thing_? Shut up. He's human, of course he does. Minutes later we were on the roof and Kakashi wasn't particularly happy that I omitted explaining the situation to his three new genin.

"Whaa? Kaya-chan, you lied to us!" Naruto exclaimed with indignation. _Bro, you don’t know even half of the story, ok?_

"No, I didn't. I do have business with your sensei. Or the other way around. It's just a long-term prolonged business" I was exasperated with the energy bursts of this kid. And with the lose wavy strands of hair that got in my face because of the wind. I decided against trying to get them to stay out of my face since that wasn't going to happen to soon. I hated wind.

"But Kakashi-sesei, aren't the teams supposed to be of three genins and a Jounin?" Sakura asked politely. I sighed. I had hoped that she at least would understand, her being … the most open-minded of the three.

"It isn't fair to the other teams."

I arched my eyebrow to the Uchiha. Fairness? He talks about fairness? Oh, really now? That little…  _He's not like that. Yet._  Of course, that didn't mean he wasn't a considerable ass and bastard with a superiority complex that needed to be reminded that he was just a child playing at being an _avenger_.

"Now, listen, and listen close, I am not…"

"Kaya isn't part of this team" Kakashi cut me off. "She's under my surveillance, ours if you choose so. If she wants to take part of the training is up to her. Although, she'll have to take part to our missions as I have to keep an eye on her."

"…. his student, but his mission." I continued my sentence as if Kakashi didn't speak.

"But why do you have to keep an eye on her, sensei?" Sakura said stealing glances at me.

"Because I have chosen to become a shinobi and there were no teams for me to join. We were an uneven number and since I don't want to be a civilian, I as a genin, have to be under the surveillance of a Jounin. The reason why I've been put under Kakashi is pretty much obvious." I explained deciding to put an end to the questions. I pointed at Sasuke's head and then stopped at Sakura. "Is this explicit enough for you?"

"Because of Sasuke?" Naruto blinked not understanding. "Why is he the reason…"

"Why don't you introduce yourselves?" Kakashi cut off Naruto. _I think he likes doing that._

"Oi! Sensei, why is Sasuke the reason Kaya-chan…"

"Introduce ourselves? What are we supposed to say?" Sakura inquired without pressing the matter further although she must have been just as curious as Naruto was. I ignored the sensation that a pair of black eyes were fixing me.

"What you like, what you don't, dreams and hobbies. Things along that line" Kakashi explained.

"Hey, why don't you introduce yourself first, sensei?"  _Ha, that was easy._  Naruto really was easily distracted. ADHD. And ADD.

"Me? I'm Hatake Kakashi. I have no intention of telling you my likes and my dislikes. As … for my dream… I have few hobbies."

_How informative._

"So, all we found out was his name" Sakura stated. I snickered.

“A true shinobi sees beyond what the eyes can see.” I said solemnly, not even myself believing the crap coming out my mouth. 

 _So this is Kakashi-sensei._  I must confess meeting him was something I was looking forward to, but didn't know if I'd have or not the opportunity to. Let me put it simple: his hair was weird. Waaay weirder than Sakura's. I mean, Sakura's hair was pink and you could get used to that, but Kakashi’s hair was  _spiked._  And not like Naruto, whose hair was a blonde mess of spiky hair. No, Kakashi's hair was defying the laws of gravity and I couldn't help but stare at it. Not to mention it was grey. And he was young. What was he 26? 27? And that damn mask. In rest he looked just about the way you would think a jounin would look. _I’ve never seen a jounin._ He wasn’t of an imposing height, I think he was about my height when I was on high heels. Had been. In my previous life. Which I still remembered. Yeah.

 The three looked at me curiously.

"What can you tell about Kakashi-sensei, then? Heh?" Whispered Naruto excited.  _What and obnoxious child._

"Well, I can say that …"

"It's your turn guys. You go first"  ** _Of course_**   _he had to cut me off when I was talking with Naruto._

"My turn! I'm Uzumaki Naruto. I like cup ramen. But I like even more the ramen at Ichiraku that Iruka-sensei bought for me. I hate the three minutes I have to wait after I put the hot water. My hobby is to eat and compare cup ramens! And my dream is to become greater than the Hokages! I'm going to make all the villages recognize my existence."

"…. I think they already do…from a mile ear radius."

My statement was ignored.  _Really._  I sighed.  _I could have been at home sleeping. But no. I had to agree with the Third's offer. Damn me and damn him. And Danzo. And this world. Who dies and ends up reborn in an anime?!_

"Okay, next."

"My name is Haruno Sakura. I like … well, the person I like is… And my hobby is… well, my dream is to…"

 _Well, you can't say she doesn't get what she wished for_. I mean, these two end up together though it's still questionable  ** _how_**. I wondered how they would react if I just told them that they would eventually marry and have a daughter. I smiled evilly. Nah.

"And what do you hate? "

"Naruto."

"EHHHH?"

_Jesus, take the wheel. I want to sleep so bad. And this is soo boring, because I have already heard this befooooore._

"I see. You"

"My name is Uchiha Sasuke. There are many things that I hate, and there aren't a lot of things that I like. Also, I have an ambition, which I have no intention to leave it just a dream. The revival of my clan and … to kill a certain man."

 _Ba-da-da-dum._ I sighed. Yeah. That happened. I glanced at the Uchiha which was looking at nothing in particular already gone from us. Tch.  _If he knew… ._  I furrowed my brows.

"And the last."

"You said I'm not from the team. Ha, never mind.  I'm Uchiha Kaya. I like taking long walks and early mornings. And taking long walks early in the morning. I hate summer and when someone cut me off in the middle of a sentence. And being ignored, of course. My hobby is reading and my dream is to find out – to acquire as much knowledge about the world as I can."

"You are related to Sasuke?!"

" Seriously?” I looked at both Naruto and Sakura with consternation. “We’ve been in the same year at Academy since… forever. Well, to answer your question, vaguely. The blood relatability is so distant and questionable that it merely matters. We are from the same clan. That’s the closest you get."

"Who likes early mornings?!"

"I do. Fight me."

"Alright, alright. You all have unique personalities. I like that. We're going to begin missions starting tomorrow." Kakashi intervened.

"HA. What kind of mission is that, sir?" the blonde said. Oh my, he said ‘sir’.  _So easily to excite._

"First, we're going to something that we four, or five, can do."

"What, what, what, is it?"

 _On Merlin beard, let him speak._  I was becoming weary of the main character.  _Now seriously._  At least I wasn't vocal about all this. I bet we would end up having a looong shouting session. Now, that would have been troublesome. Nope, better quiet than sorry.

"Survival training."

As soon as the words left Kakashi concealed lips, both Naruto and Sakura began complaining. My mind grew numb to them. I needed sleep. Like, right now. And food. And Sauron with the Ring. And Danzo's head on a spike. That would be so nice. And to give Sasuke a haircut after The War. One fabulous Madara Uchiha was enough for the world.  _No, now without jape, what am I going to do?_  I glanced at Sasuke. I never intended to get so close. All I’ve ever wanted was to observe and make sure all stays the same.  _And if it doesn't…. what then? Intervene?_ Like this? As I am now? I was a weakling. A mere genin, and not even that. No, I needed training. This, Sakura, Naruto, Sasuke, Kakashi, this is good. I can watch things unravel and train at the same time. Yes, I got close. Seven Hells I'm practically almost in the same team with the protagonist and his rival. The thing was to not get  _too_  close.

"Out of 27 graduates, only nine are going to become Genins. The other 18 will be sent back to the Academy. In other words, this training is going to be a very hard test with a dropout rate of 66%."

Ah. Percentages. I’ve missed hearing all the good bullshit about statistics. More indignation and complain. I couldn't really say I didn't understand my…ahem, comrades, but knowing already what I knew, I was really not alarmed. Only a little curious.

"What about me? Am I supposed to take the test or can I sit out of it?" I asked hoping for an affirmative answer for the second part.

"Theoretical, even if you fail I still have to keep you around so, I don't think it really matters."

"WHAT?! THAT IS SO UNFAIR!"

I nodded _. Figured that much_. I won't be taking the survival test.  _But I have to see that everything happens as it should._  Then I'll tell Kakashi to let me watch.  _But I can't just stay there and watch. What about training? This is training as well; beside it would be, as Naruto said, unfair not to participate._ It's already unfair that I'm with team 7. _But I'm not. Tehnically._  I had to sleep on it. I had to consider consequences. The ripple in the course of events. After all I was a human being, made of flesh and bones, with a mind of myself. Not an invisible entity watching the events from distance.

"Anyway, I'm going to decide whether you pass or fail, tomorrow at the training grounds. Bring your shinobi equipment and meet me at 5 a.m."

_That's not going to happen._

"Oh and yeah, don't eat breakfast. You're going to throw up if you do "

I snorted. Did I find that funny because that was the case for me anyway? Yes, yes, I did. I looked up in the sky at the clouds mixing up with the blue. Grey on purple and blue. Ha. I hated the sun. Kakashi disappeared with a _spoof_ , leaving us as confused as any new genin could be.

“Anyone else wants to learn shunshin this weekend? After we fail the survival test, of course.” I said dryly as neither of them were going to say something too soon.

“No way am I going to fails that test!” Naruto exclaimed with a large gesture. “What is shunshin?”

“What Kakashi did when he disappeared in a cloud of smoke.” I simplified with a deadpan expression.

“Cool! Me! I want to learn it! Do you know how to do it?” I smiled at his excited reaction and started walking away.

“No. But I will, after this weekend.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI. I know, I've said that I might not be able to post a chapter this week, but Ta-da! But, I have to push the date for my other story, so yeah. Not really an accomplishment. However, there are many holes to be filled as far as the story is concerned, but it's intentionally like this. Everything will eventually make sense much later. Anyway, what do you think about this chapter? It initially was part of the previous one, but it was waaay too long that way. I'm trying to build up the idea that Kaya will have to make certain choices in the future regarding what will happen, and what will she do about it, because now she'a actually involved in the course of events that will take place. One things that she's not considering is that her existence itself will has changed things.
> 
> I'd really like to hear your thoughts and what do you think about Kaya and the path she will choose. Will she stubbornly try to be a bystander? Will she try to change things fully aware that there will be some consequences that she will not be able to foresee?
> 
> Catch you guys later!


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter VII: Don't be hasty**

"What the h-Mikasa? What are you doing  **there**? Where's my alarm clock? Uh? OH SHIT!"  
I jumped out of my bed, the fast movement bringing dizziness and pressure in my ears.  _Genius._ I crawled to the bathroom walking pass the meowing cat on the small pile of books.  _She better not starts eating the covers, for her own sake._  She had the bad habit of eating paper. And just as I was expecting, when I got out of the bathroom she was enjoying the not so hard cover of one of the books, now scattered on the floor.

"You are  ** _so_**  lucky I don't have time to deal with you now. Argh!" I looked down on the soft thing I stepped on.  _That's vomit. No, that's cat-fur vomit_. I sighed, grabbing my backpack from the kitchen. At least I had enough sense to pack everything last night. Before I exited the kitchen I looked longingly to the fridge. I  _knew_  I was going to regret later not eating now.  _Well, now no one can say I cheated or wasn't fair._ I still wasn't extraordinary fond of the idea of being in team 7 … kind of.

I left the house, rushing in the streets.  _What a chilly morning._ Compared to the usual warm and soft feeling the mornings in Konoha brought, this one was cold. Well, not cold, but cool enough so the wind was slipping on my skin in comforting waves. I hated rushing. I loved taking my time in the mornings and I hated this feeling of being on the run. Not to mention that it was the precise hour in which the village was coming to life.  _I love my timing._  I finally passed the inhabited area and entered the training grounds.  _Please, **please**  tell me Kakashi is still late._ My pride would be seriously wounded if I arrived even later than the grey haired shinobi.

 _Ah, there they are._  At the sound of my paces two heads, a blond and a pinkish one, resting of the ground, turned in my direction in synchronized motion.  _T-That's creepy._

"YOU'RE LATE!"

"Um, good morning" I said coming closer as the two looked at me surprised.

"Ohayo, Kaya-chan!"

"KAYA-CHAN! WE THOUGHT YOU WERE KAKASHI-SENSEI!"

 _If he keeps shouting like that…_ he can save this word without the tongue and vocal chords, right?  _No, he must beable to use the power of talk-no-jutsu with literally everyone in here._  Oh, that's right I forgot. I sighed.

"He hasn't shown up yet, huh? Vala, he really is a clotpole."

Sakura giggled unsure of what I meant.  _Yeah, she hasn't watched Lord of the Rings or Merlin._  And she'll never watch either of them ever.  _None of them will._  That was sad. Truly sad. I peaked at the Uchiha as he was standing with his arms crossed and turned from us. All I could see was that chicken butt black hair and the clan crests on his back.  _Keh_.  _He really is arrogant._ I sighed and put my backpack on the ground next to Naruto.

"If I knew he was late I would have fed Mikasa" I mumbled realizing that my books will suffer from my inability to wake up on time to feed the blasted cat.

"Kaya-chan, who is Mikasa?" Sakura glanced at me curious. I sighed dramatically, kicking the dirt on the ground.

"My cat."

"Ah"

 _Why, everybody is so talkative in the morning._  Well, it wouldn't be morning anymore in an hour or so. I was debating whether or not to redress my braid.  _Will it be a nuisance when moving around?_ Of course, it always was. I looked at the black hair bringing it up in my visual field.  _So what should I do?_  Should I take part in this test and prove that I actually deserve that genin title or just observe and enjoy the beautiful day? The air already changed and the weather promised to be a sunny and rather warm if not hot . This was absolutely brilliant. I suddenly turned my head at the same time as Sasuke.  _Keh. Sensible duck._  I locked eyes with the Uchiha in a mocking gaze, as he narrowed his in annoyance. I was beginning to enjoy my time here.

"Ohayo"

"YOU'RE LATE"

"Keh. So loud." I mumbled to myself hoping that at least Sakura would get the point.

"A black cat crossed my path, so…"Kakashi explained, but didn't finish when he figured none of us truly cared about or believed his excuse.  _Well, at least that got them on their feet._  The sleepiness from earlier now vanished.

"… Hm, never mind. Moving on." Kakashi moved to a clock on a log. "The alarm is set at 12 P.M. Today's topic is to get one of these bells from me." He held up two bells ringing softly.  _Good._  That stayed the same. "However, who fail to get them, won't eat lunch. I'm going to tie you there, on the wood log and eat lunch in front of you"

"So that's why he said…."

"…'don't eat breakfast' "

"That is cruel and ….wrong" I agreed.  _But not a reason to whine like a little child._  I shook my head.  _What will I do? Take the test, stay out of it…..?_

"But wait," Sakura started "why are there only two bells?"

"Since there's only two, at least one of you will have to be tied to the log." the grey shinobi smiled to his student content.  _He's so enjoying this._ "That person will fail since he would have not completed the mission. That person will go back to the Academy. It might be one person or all three. You can use your shuriken. You won't be able to get this unless you have the will to kill me. "

 _He really looks like he means it._  I tilted my head _._  When I watched this back home, I was so annoyed at their credulity and not being able to see beyond Kakashi's real test, but now, face to face with the actual Copy ninja I could easily see why. Provided that you were a twelve years only kid who aspired to be a shinobi and faced with a high skilled jounin who tells you that you must try to kill him in order to get one bell and stay a genin, you did tend to freak out.

"But that's too dangerous, sensei!"

 _No shit Sakura, I thought that being a ninja meant taking care of bunnies and tend to the flowers around the village_.

"Yeah, you couldn't even dodge that chalk eraser!" Naruto exclaimed snickering at the thought.

"In society, those who don't have many abilities tend to complain more" Kakashi retorted and I frowned at his statement feeling it bitter in my mind. _He's wrong_. "Just ignore the guy with the lowest score. We're going to start after I say 'Ready. Start.' ".

Immediately after he finished talking, the blonde took a kunai and launched forward toward Kakashi, taking by surprise everyone …who didn't watch the freaking anime.  _That would be everyone except me since THIS **IS**  THE ANIME. Oh, yeah. _I doubt anyone managed to see Kakashi getting behind Naruto's back – I certainly didn't – and forced the blond's hand to the back of his own head.  _The idiot is immobilized._

"Don't get so hasty" Kakashi spoke calmly as if nothing happened. "I didn't say 'start' yet. But I see you have the will to kill me now" I snickered, in my mind another voice deeper and older as the roots of the mountains spoke.  _'Now, don't be hasty, master Meriadoc.'_ With that, however, I caught Kakashi's attention.

"Will you partake in the test Kaya-chan?" he asked needling me with an almost mocking look. I frowned at that, and smirked.

"Yes, Kakashi- _sensei_."

"I see."

He let go of an annoyed Naruto and we prepared to flee at Kakashi's signal. Not out of fear, mind you, but to hide since that was the first instinct of a ninja. To hide and observe before striking.

"Ready, start!"

 _Wonderful._  If there was something I've learnt since being reborn in this world, it was hiding. I tried all this time to keep a low profile and not get too close to anyone. Passing unnoticed through Academy has been impossible since Iruka had the habit of getting close – to certain extend – to each of his students, and watch them grow with such warmth that could rival a mother. But I did managed to make myself rather invisible socially speaking. And not only. Many times Nekobaa wouldn't be sure if I was in the house or not. I could move unnoticed and sneak around with almost no sound. That partly because I enjoyed silence very much, to the point of spending time alone doing nothing but enjoying the peace and silence of the day, or sometimes reading, until late at night.

I smiled from my spot.  _It's a relief that these two are actually pretty decent at hiding._  I looked at Sasuke then at Sakura trying to remember what they were thinking.  _That made perfectly… no sense_. I sat on the branch sighing. No need to stay alert with the blond idiot trying to prove exactly how moronic he was to Kakashi. I studied Naruto from that distance. So weird that this blonde ball of loud shrieks and ADHD will turn into the hero of this village and its Hokage. If I didn't know better I would have given him zero changes of living beyond the age of thirteen but I did know better. Like the whole future-of-the-world better. I was glad that I chose the tree as it provided me the much needed shadow this way too hot day required. I had a profound love for climbing trees.  _Even if I earn thousands of scratches, worse than giving Mikasa the annual bath._  Loving to climb trees sadly did not made me good at it.

"Let's have a match fair and square!"

I watched the blond with his arms crossed in front of Kakashi, oblivious to the fact that … well, actually oblivious to any fact at all except of his ardent wish to prove himself to his sensei and team mates.

"Aren't you a little weird compared to the rest?" Kakashi inquired taken aback by the non-conventional ways of the Jesus Naruto.

"What's weird is your hair!"

 _I agree._  Naruto started forward just like before but stopped abruptly when Kakashi's hand went into his tool holder. The blond watched him in expectation, alert.

"Ninja tactic know – how number one is taijutsu. I'll teach you that first" the grey haired jounin said pulling out a… Icha Icha Paradise book. I snorted before remembering that I was supposed to be keeping my positionunknown, but no one seemed to notice. They were too vexed by Kakashi's choice of weapon.

"What's the matter? Hurry and get me."

"But… But… um… why did you take out a book?" Naruto fixed the book perplexed.

"I got curious as to how the story is going to develop. Don't worry it makes no difference".

 _Ha. Needling the impulsive kid._ I hadn't been sure if Kakashi was trying to get on our nerves on purpose or was mean simply because that's just who he is. I took notice of his relaxed stance. _But not really._  He was attentive to Naruto's response through his peripheral vision. Of course, Naruto being the impulsive imbecile he was tried to hit the jounin. Several times, chaotic and predicable, missing and not worrying that he was exposing himself.  _That immense idiot. In a real fight he would be dead already._

"A ninja should not let the enemy get behind him multiple times, idiot"

Kakashi appeared behind Naruto his hands set in an all too familiar seal.  _Oh my valar, it's THAT time!_ I stifled my laughter waiting with great eagerness.  _This is going to be so good._

"Naruto, run! You're going to die!"

 _A little too dramatic, Sakura._  I watched the pink haired girl as she was looking terrified at the non-responsive Naruto. Was she actually thinking that Kakashi would kill any of us?  _She must have really taken this test seriously._  It was good that she was aware of the potential danger of a fight but…

"Too late. Hidden Village of Konoha's secret taijutsu master art…! One Thousand Years of Death!"

Naruto's yelling was the only sound that interrupted the silence that followed full of our perplexity.

"Two idiots."

"That is so wrong" I whispered as Naruto was thrown at some distance yelling. "If that's not a sign of pedophilia then I don't know what this is"

"What are you doing here?!"

I watched Sasuke as he was staring at me with indignation and annoyance.  _He didn't notice me coming here._ I sighed at his distraught expression as if Satan just popped up from the earth to perform Cha Cha in the bushes.  _That… is also wrong._

"Oh shush, Uchiha" I said cutting him off. "I couldn't hear from up there and your spot is quite good."

"Find your own spot"

"Shh."

He looked at me incredulously. I waved him off before he said anything else pointing to Kakashi and motioning him to shut up. He glared at me forced by the circumstances to put up with my intrusion of his space. We watched Naruto landing in the river.  _Ha. This is the same river._ What a time to remember Shisui. I noticed Sasuke's hand going lower to grab his shuriken . But Naruto was faster. Two shuriken sprang from the water and Kakashi caught them in two fingers. I 'pff'-ed. It was painfully obvious that we were nowhere close to Kakashi's level. Our mission was impossible.

"What's wrong? You won't get any lunch if you don't get a bell before noon" Kakashi spoke in a monotone voice. You said you're going to exceed the Hokages but your actions say otherwise."

Naruto's stomach gave a painful sound that could be heard by all of us.

"Damn it! I can still fight even if I'm hungry!"

 _Even you don't believe yourself, Naruto._  His stomach rumbling was only the beginning of a symphony, accompanied by our own hungry stomachs. I snorted as Sasuke almost looked embarrassed and noticing my amused smile he glared.

"You too, duck?" I asked amused understanding all too well.  _If Kakashi wants, he can find us just by following the sounds our stomachs give away._  What a way of hunting us down that would be.

"Hn"

I shook my head at the stubborn Uchiha.  _He'll come around. Kind of. Eventually. In the far future. At end of all things._  Yeah…. After he tries to kill his best friend, take over the world, kill every tailed beast and lose his hand. I looked at Sasuke. I almost felt, well not bad or pity for him, but sadness. The worst was just about to begin. The duck noticed me staring and shot me a confused look. I shook my head just as Naruto's Kage Bunshinsexploded from the river.  _This is… amazing._ Apparently the Uchiha agreed as he fixed the seven Naruto in astonishment. We were taught replications at the Academy but this wasn't the case now. These were solid clones attacking Kakashi and even surprising him. Yes, it was stupid for  **me** be surprised as it was general knowledge to anyone who watched the anime that Kage Bunshin no jutsu was Naruto's signature jutsu along side Rasengan, but damn! This was epic. As a person who isn't from – at least not originally – this world, this was so  ** _unusual_** and  ** _unnatural_** but amazing.

"A ninja shouldn't let the enemy get behind him, right, sensei?" the blond shadow clone said clinging to Kakashi's back keeping him in place as the others came towards the jounin with a set purpose to get a damn bell. I snickered at his slyness and what was about to happen.

… because Naruto only managed to hit his own clone. Kakashi disappeared and in his place was only one of the clones which received a pretty hard punch right in the face. Havoc erupted between the seven trying to identifythe supposed Kakashi transformed one.  _All that… must seriously hurt._  Naruto was beaten to a pulp by his own clones. I sighed equally disappointed as Sasuke to my right, but also amused.  _This is so much better than watching the anime in front of the TV._ Although the heat was killing me.

To make things worse, Naruto got into Kakashi's very obvious trap, trying to pick up a fallen bell from the ground.  _Why? Just **why**  would he think that it could be that easy?_ The blonde dangled from the tree, upside down, fidgeting and yelling.

"Use your techniques after thinking carefully." Kakashi picked the bell from the ground nonchalantly. "That's why it was used to your disadvantage. And… don't fall for the obvious trap, stupid. Ninja must think beyond the normal."

As the two debated just how a ninja should think, Sasuke made his move.  _You **idiot**._  His shuriken seemed to cut right through the jounin. I knew it didn't.

"You idiot" I vocalized the thought earning an very annoyed glare from the duckling.

"HE GOT HIT! Sasuke overdid it!" Naruto started fidgeting again.

"You can't understand that we can't get a bell all by ourselves, can you?" I spoke through clenched teeth as the Uchiha seemed pretty proud of his apparent achievement.

"Speak for yourself"

"Just watch, duckling."

He frowned at me and looked at Kakashi only to see a chunk of wood. The expression of the self proclaimed avenger was PRICELESS. I shook my head and dashed from that spot.  _He did that without caring that he would give **my** hiding place away as well._ I knew Sasuke didn't exactly exceed on team work but this was ridiculous.

"You. Are. An. Idiot!" I said loud enough hoping that he would hear it while still running and searching a safe hiding place. "DUCKLING!"

No response came but somehow, I had the same feeling from the other day that Uchiha Sasuke wanted to skin me alive.  _This is going to be a **long**  day._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year everyone! My Christmas was awesome, hope yours was too! Sorry, this chapter is rushed. My schedule is fucked. My exams are here. I'm slowly dying on the inside. I have no idea when I will post the next chapter and I still have to update my other story (Because I have re-read the first and only chapter posted and... yeah. But chapter 2 is almost done). Chapter 8 is ready, but I have to change some things.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter VIII: Eat the rude**

 

_That idiotic piece of Uchiha._  I rushed through the tree branches until I decided that either running high above the ground or just simply walking made no difference. Kakashi was a jounin. End of discussion. I was walking serenely in pure daylight.  _I hate sun._ Yes, I  ** _really_** hated that shiny thing that was frying the back of my neck.  _At least it's not in my face. Why the hell am I worrying about the fucking sun?_  Yeah, it's not like I'm in the middle of a surviving test. I wondered what the others were doing. Naruto was probably still dangling in the tree, Sasuke must have encountered Kakashi. Wait, no. I should have heard Sakura's scream until now if that was the case, should't I? Didn't Kakashi got to her and then to Sasuke? I might be wrong, however.  _He'll find me._  I was tempted to try my luck and talk Naruto into working as a team, but I doubted that I would succeed. That idiot was rather dense.

_And even if he wasn't, should I?_ This was their test. Which they failed and only AFTER passed, when they understood that they have to cooperate. But since I got involved shouldn't it be different? This was now  _our_  test.  _But what if I make Kakashi suspicious?_  Out of the three only I would 'get' his test. The only one to succeed. Only that I didn't exactly figured it out but seen it on the freaking TV! Yet it's not unusual that one student is sharper than the others. It wouldn't be suspicious at all.  _But I would know that I don't deserve any praise._

I cursed myself and started walking in the direction I just came from.  _I must get there. And fast._  This time I shot through the branches like a rabbit chased by dogs. Earning some more scratches, of course. I really, really, really hoped my plan would work and that the idiot was still there. Suddenly I heard something. I stopped dead in my tracks.  _Was that a scream?_  It was possible, but so was that I was imagining things.  _It's been too faint_. I waited patiently for any other strange sound but when none came I continued with my mad run.  _I’ve started hearing things. That's bad._

When I arrived back to the clearing near the river, Naruto was still fidgeting in the rope. I stepped out of the cool shadows into the burning hell of shining volatile golden lava. I really hated sun. _How many times I've said this?_  Too many. I got closer while the idiot didn't even notice me, too engrossed into cursing and trying to cut the rope. I snickered.

“Still bothering with that rope?” I asked earning the blonde's attention.

“KAYA-CHAN!” He exclaimed and I grimaced at the loud shriek. “No, this is the second trap! I thought you all flee before Kakashi-sensei got you!”

“Second trap. You fell for the same trick. Twice. In a row.” I looked at him amused as he responded with yet another loud 'Hey!' I cut the rope and the blond had the sense to not fall flat on his face.

“Oi, thank you Kaya-chan” Naruto started grinning. “You know, behind the wood logs there's a rock on which are our lunches. I saw them while I was hanging on the tree.”

"Naruto, no." I cut it.

“But Kaya-chan! 'Ninjas need to think beyond the normal'” He cited Kakashi proudly.  _Is this the lie he justifies his actions?_ I couldn't bring myself to be harsh to him. Not while he grinned like a sly fox with yet innocent cerulean eyes.  _So much about hating children._

“Um, Naruto, Kakashi didn't mean for us to cheat based on what he said." I pointed out. "But I know a way to get a bell”

“Uh? What way?! Tell me!”

So excitable. I studied him and before opening my mind to speak, I already knew I failed.

“Teamwork. That's how we get the bell. You, I, Sasuke and Sakura against Kakashi. We are bound to get at least one bell.”

_There. I did it._  Guilt was weighting on my shoulders like an invisible huge rock.  _This is exactly what everyone would do if they got into the anime._ And I hated the idea that I was just like everybody else. Everybody from my world, of course.

“What do you mean?! I'm not going to help that bastard! And Kaya-chan there are only two bells, and you pass anyway.”

I was in the middle of a sigh when he said the last part.  _Did he just…?_  I glared at him. He watched me with a confused and innocent expression of a person who has no idea they said something wrong. I might have misheard that.  _No, I haven't._  I turned on my heels and walked towards the bushes.

“Keh. I see. Do what you want. It's not my business.”

I didn't wait for his eventual reply to what I said and began my search for Sasuke. I knew by now that Sakura was trapped in Kakashi's genjutsu or worse, out of it _. I wasted time_. Yeah, but at least I tried.  _So, back to planning_. Sakura wasn't an option. She was concerned only about Sasuke so if I found the Duck I might as well find the pinkie. And perhaps the other way around too. That, if Sasuke and Kakashi had their mini fight. Which I hoped they haven't because that meant Kakashi was after me.  _I should pay extra attention to my surroundings._ And to jounins hunting down their fresh young students.  _Wrong phrasing… so wrong._

It wasn't until minutes later that I stopped and turned trying to make no sound.  _I swear I heard something._  It might have been like earlier, just an impression. But since now I was a  _genin_ , shouldn't I be relying on my intuition?  _And my intuition is telling me that there is a pedophilic grey haired jounin somewhere to my right, spying._ Yeah, intuition was good, just not mine.

“To your left, Kaya-chan”

_Close enough_. I looked at the Jounin, taking three steps backwards.  _Shit. And he's still reading, god damn it._ I looked at him waiting for genjutsu, ninjutsu, something, but nothing came. He just read his damn book.  _Hip hip hurrah for not being worth his time._ I stared at him for some seconds then I turned my back to him and started walking.

“Kaya-chan, where are you going?” I didn't turn when I heard his monotone voice, not even sure if he looked up from his book.

“To find Sakura. Sasuke would be preferable but we'll get to him. Eventually. Any ideas where she is?”

“Under genjutsu. She should get out of it soon though.”

“Sasuke?”

“In the ground.”

… _. that's simply morbid._

“But what about you, Kaya-chan? Don't you want a bell? You said you want to take the test. Or are you resting assured that I can't send you back to the Academy?”

“You want me,” I side – turned to him amused “to try and take you on for  _a bell_?”

“…”

“Have you lost your bloody mind?” I said after staring at him for some time, and he looked up from his book to me. “I can't take you on by myself. I'm a genin. Not even that. You are a  _jounin._  That would be suicide. I would accomplish nothing but getting some more scratches and fail miserably. No. Nope, thank you.”

“What will you do then? You said you can't take me on all by yourself. Does that mean you plan an alliance with the other three? You believed you can? Besides, there are only two bells.” he said patiently.

“Yes.” I smiled. “That's exactly what I want to do. Get the others together and get those bells. I'll try that and I'll fail. If you think Sasuke will ever accept sharing glory with someone else, you don't know him.”

I turned and walked away.

 

Ҩ

 

I was able to tell that we were approaching noon by the intensity with which the burning sun rays were on the back of my neck.  _I would say this is a lame skill, but meh._  I cursed myself for leaving Kakashi. I could have followed his track back to either Sasuke or Sakura. But of course, being _the pacifist coward_ , I was, I just stormed off like that.  _Very intelligent indeed._

I was able to remember the paths around the training grounds as well. That's how much I've been walking in circles. At least I was burning down the adrenaline of this test. And wasting my energy, of course. People like me should never try to become shinobi, honestly.  _But you can't make sure everything goes as the original plot if you're a civilian._  Or at least the chances were very slim. _No, I have to become a ninja. And a decent one too._  That if I wanted to survive, of course.

To be sincere walking in circles around the place was rather enjoyable. I was able to admire the rich vegetation and birds. _Because that's why I got up early in the morning. To admire nature._  Well, not  _that_ early, after all I was late. _I wasn't later than Kakashi._  No indeed because that's  _impossible._  My monologue was rudely interrupted.

“Kaya.”

_That's…_  I forced myself to not look in the direction of the voice looking up as if I was expecting the birds to talk.  _Serves him right._ I walked without any hesitation and stopped when the voice urged.

“ _Kaya._ ”

“God?” I asked still looking up, before glancing down under my mid-air stopped foot. “Ah, Sasuke. What are you doing? You do know the difference between a human and a plant, don't you? I don't think that's an effective way of gaining power. Ducks don't draw strength from the soil.”

“Shut up.”

“No, really” I said getting at the same level with the ground inserted Uchiha.  _This looks just wrong._  I've seen people burying themselves in  _sand_  at the  _beach_. There's been a guy who actually managed to get himself in just as Sasuke was now. “I could have stepped on you just now. It's very dangerous, Sasuke.”

_If looks could kill._  Sasuke's expression had 'you don't say?' plastered all over it. I couldn't help but break into laughter which did not helped much.

“Stop laughing.”

“Sorry, _I can’t_!” I said with no regret into it. “I just thought you might get a bell from Kakashi. And now to see you like this” his patience was wearing  _very_  thin, I could tell. “Ok, how do we get you out of there?”

A rustle in the leaves made both of us look towards the bushes in anticipation. That's when Sakura came out running, determination sparkling in her eyes. And stopped. _Oh._ Her face was pure horror. I don't think I've ever seen someone so horrified before _. Is this because of the genjutsu or she simply **is**  like this?_ It almost made me fear to ever be caught in a genjutsu.  _I have to learn how to recognize one and to release it._ Well, if I put it like that, I had  _a lot of things_  to learn. The list was growing longer and longer every day _._

“Sakura.” Sasuke called somehow thinking that would things make better. Of course, she just gave out a loud shriek worthy of a banshee and collapsed on the ground.  _What the f…?_

“You had to make things better, didn't you?” I sighed just as dumbfounded as the Uchiha.

“What's wrong with her?”

“Genjutsu, I suspect.”

It took us ten solid minutes of digging and pulling to get the duck out of the ground.  _It still sounds so wrong._  I went beside Sakura checking up on her.  _Yeah, she just fainted._  I could hear Sasuke trying to get the dirt out of his clothes as I was waiting for Sakura to get around. I frowned at the pale face of the pinkie.Why did I always seem to miss the important events? Shisui's death, Naruto's fight with the guy who tried to steal that scroll, the naming of the members of the teams, Sakura falling under Kakashi's genjutsu, Sasuke's fight with Kakashi.  _This has to stop._  But does it really matter if I'm present or not, if things don't get out of control and go just as they should? The worse of them was Shisui's death. I mean, I'm supposedly part of the clan but never took notice of any of the members, even less so of their deaths.  _Well, with the exception of the Massacre._

Sasuke looked down to the pink haired girl, until he decided she was not in a critical enough state to be worth his attention and switched to me. I watched him amused, fixed on the rather thick layer of dirt from his hair.

“What?” He asked vexed by my insistent stare. I snickered and ruffled his hair a little harder then I should have. “Stop it.” That did not make me less amused by this not so dark Sasuke. He had yet a long way until  _that._

“She'll be fine. She just experienced a rather solid dose of Kakashi's genjutsu. I think she wasn't overjoyed when she saw only your head.” I explained.

“Hn. Did Kakashi get to you?” He asked not really interested in Sakura's state.  _Ass_.

“Yeah. And no. No bell on me.” I stated the obvious and he shot me a suspicious look his eyes wandering on my rather unscratched person. Well, except of the superficial ones which I gained from my unflattering skills at dealing with Mother Nature. “This isn't surprising. We are no match for him. Not one bit.”

“Then what's the point of this test?” Sasuke growled at my insinuation that we were all weaklings… which we actually were.

“I can't know for sure.” I began carefully, storming my brains for a way to persuade him, or at least make him understand. He was not Naruto. Sasuke was sharp but too stubborn and proud for his own good.  _If Sakura was awake this would be easier._  If there was one think Sasuke listen to, it was reason.  _And I'm not the best person to provide it._  At all.

“Think like this, Kakashi is a jounin. We have just graduated from the Academy – we're barely genin. We can't possibly get a bell each on our own.” I finished with cursing myself mentally. I was repeating myself, as I've told Kakashi something similar.

“ 'Each on our own'. Hn. You think he means us to come at him as a team" the duck stated and frowned. “There are only two bells. And besides,” he said with a cold determination in his black eyes "you will only slow me down.”

_I figured as much._  I sighed and got up giggling, earning a rather confused look.

“Well, there's always Naruto for lunch. But you know, it's better to eat the rude. I always like having an old friend for lunch” I smiled at him with _all my heart_.  _I creeped the seven hells out of him._  “Oh, come on. You can't honestly expect me to go through the freaking massacre of the whole clan without being mentally deranged.”

His eyes widen for a fraction of second but a moan made both of us look down. Crude green eyes slowly opened with visible difficulty to focus.

“Sasuke-kun?” _Of course_ her first word after regaining conscious would be the dickhead's name _._ “You are alright!”

She launched herself in a hug, but Sasuke caught her arms and was trying to pry her off, rather unsuccessfully. I stifled a laugh but got the pinkie's attention.

“Kaya-chan!” she exclaimed and blushed a faint shade of her own hair.  _She's still a little too pale, perhaps still dizzy?_

“Hello, Sakura. Nice to see you've come around, fine and all.” I sent a sly look at her and Sasuke, and she blushed a deeper shade of red while the duck got up. “Ok, listen both of you. I have a plan. Traps. We set traps on this part of the training grounds and lure Kakashi in, engage in taijutsu, all three of us together and –”

“It's almost noon. I'm going.” Sasuke said already passing me.

“Sasuke-kun are you still after the bell?” Sakura asked urgently trying to keep him around a little longer.

“I was able to touch it a while ago. I can get it next time.” he shot me a determined look and I rolled my eyes.  _Ignorant brat._

“Is that so? You're amazing, Sasuke-kun!”

“Um, I was talking…?” I narrowed my eyes as the other two seemed to ignore me completely.

“Um… since we have little time left, why don't we try harder next time and give up for now.” Sakura offered and I almost facepalm-ed.

One glare from Sasuke was enough to quiet Sakura down. I sighed.  _Note to self: spending time with both Sakura and Sasuke might result in premature dementia._  I opened my mouth to explain to Sakura how an Uchiha works, when the object of research decided to speak.

“Only I can kill that man.”

Um, no, not really _. Not even **you** can kill him._ I watched Sasuke's back with a huge dilemma. Should I let him kill Itachi?  _I should. It's important to the plot._  But what about justice? Then I shook my head. I couldn't just change the plot because of my own selfish reasons.  _And this isn't the time to think about this._

“I'm an avenger. I must become stronger than him. I can't stumble here.”

_Um, sorry, who invited you_? Me and the Tony Stark in my head agreed that Sasuke would make a terrible team with Thor. Suddenly the sound of the alarm went off in the distance.

“Time's up.” I said happily getting up. “Good thing that we listen to all my three plans of getting the bells as a TEAM.”

“Damn, I've wasted my time talking.”

I sighed while passing the pissed off duck.

 

Ҩ

 

I tried as hard as I could not to laugh. The situation was rather dry, but seeing the dismayed blonde tied to the wood log was funnier than it probably should be. My stomach growled with fury making me cringe. Of course, that only determined an entire choir of other three hungry stomachs.  _Damn Kakashi._

“Your stomachs are growling, eh?” asked the grey haired jounin with his arms crossed.

“No at all. They are synchronizing in ode to the Hokages.” I said rather annoyed by my stomach. It didn't help that Kakashi only seemed even more amused by my comment.

“By the way, about the results of the training … none of you go back to the Academy.”

I pff-ed, while the others received the news quite enthusiastic.  _Wait for it…_

“Does that mean us three…?” Naruto asked, encouraged by Kakashi's smile.

“Yes, it means that you  _four …_  should quit being ninja.”

“That's harsh.” I commented with the beginning of a headache. Kakashi's conclusion put an end to their ecstatic happiness.

“But realistic.” Kakashi added. “You think being a shinobi is a game? You put your life in danger and more importantly you put other’s lives in danger.”

The next minutes were filled with complaints and other harsh _reality slaps_ from Kakashi.  _Oh, how I wish this day would be over already._  My head was splitting with pain. I closed my eyes and I pretended I was listening. I opened my eyes when I heard the shifting of material and fast paces.  _Of course_ , it was Sasuke who failed to attack Kakashi.  _So Naruto – ish. That position though._ Kakashi was  ** _literally_** sitting on the Uchiha, with his foot on the inky haired head.

“See? You're all just kids.” Kakashi said and it almost resonated with what I told the dickhead earlier.

“Don't step on Sasuke-kun!”

Ooo, Sakura rage!

“Nope, you can sit on the duckling. Just don't damage him too much. They're rare. I mean, three Uchiha in the whole world.” I yawned and received a cold glare from the duck in question and a rather uncertain one from Sakura, as she was deciding if I was joking or not.

“Do you guys think that being a ninja is easy?” Kakashi asked looking at us with a hardened expression. “Have you wondered why we're training genin in groups of three?”

“What do you mean?” Sakura asked rather confused.

“In other words, you don't understand the answer to this test. The answer to determine if you can pass or fail.” Kakashi stated flatly.

“We've been asking what that answer is…”

“Geez, are your brains empty? You don't understand why you've been put in groups?”

“TEAMWORK!”

Four pairs of eyes stared at me rather confused.  _Where did that come from?_  Why? Why am I so fiercely stupid?

“It's teamwork.” I clarified quietly.  

“What? Like cooperating with each other?”

_I'm going to murder her_. Last time I checked Sakura was the smartest in the team, what happened with that intellect? Had it been eaten all up by the idiocy of the blonde?  _Maybe Naruto is an intellect sucking vampire. Not acquiring intelligence obviously, but rather eating it away._

“That's right. But it's too late even if you notice now. If all four of you would have come at me at once, maybe you could have gotten a bell. But that's too bad.”

 There was a long silence. My eyes met onyx and I smirked.  _Ha._ Then I remembered that I  _was supposed_  to know this because I've seen the anime and that it wasn't an accomplishment.  _Thank you brain for sucking the happiness out of me._

“Aw, man! Kaya-chan wanted something like that, but I didn’t listen!” Naruto erupted and I narrowed my eyes at him. You don’t say, buddy.

“But why do we need teamwork if there are only two bells? If four persons work hard for the bells then two of them will bite the bullet. It makes no sense.” Sakura inquired with consternation.

“One.” I corrected her smirking at Naruto. “I pass no matter what.”

“HEY!”

“Just because I can't send you back at the Academy, doesn't mean you passed.” Kakashi warned at me for the first time, while we both ignored Naruto's indignation. “And yes Sakura, the test is supposed to put you against each other. In this situation, we select those who prioritize teamwork before themselves. That was the purpose, but all of you were pathetic.”

All of us? What was I suppose to do? Force them to work together?

“Sakura! You cared more about Sasuke than Naruto, even though Naruto was right in front of you and you didn't know where Sasuke was. Naruto! All you did was work on yourself. You” Kakashi stepped harder on Sasuke ignoring my silent protests “assumed that the others were only going to burden you and did everything yourself. Kaya was the only one to propose teamwork but both of you refused, however” he turned to me accusingly “you didn't even bother to try and get a bell. You didn't take the training seriously and as a result neither has the others took you seriously.”

I took a good look at the grey jounin in front of me. He had a point.I would have rather not been included on his list. That made me feel like I was his student as well. And I wasn't. I was his mission. I smiled at him and I only spoke one sentence.

“You are right.”

“Missions are done in groups” Kakashi ignored my condescending gaze. “It's true that ninja need well – developed individual abilities, but it's teamwork that is much more important.”

I shutted down the rest. I was tired, in pain and bored. After all, I wasn't even supposed to be here.  _No, I was supposed to be in a pit in the ground feeding the bellies of the worms._  I watched Kakashi stepping off Sasuke and walk to the statue or rock whatever you want to call it. One voice, way too loud, couldn't stay out of my mind.

“I like that! I like that! I've decided that I'm going to have my name carved into that!” Naruto exclaimed and I swear he could draw out of the ground the log if he shook like that. ADHD, I tell you.

“Continue like that and you might just end up there.” I growled.

“What? You support me in this Kaya-chan?”

“Yes, I guarantee you I'll help.”

“I'm going to be a hero! I'm not going to die a useless death!”

“They're not normal heroes. There are those who were K.I.A” Kakashi's voice became sober.

“K.I.A?”

“Those who were killed in action” Sakura explained to the blonde idiot. He finally understood and his enthusiastic expression changed _. Ha_. And then he figured out. He glanced at me and I returned it with a smile. Oh, the poor little scared fox.

“… the names of my friends are carved in here as well.”

We all remained silent processing what Kakashi said. I’ve suddenly remembered that indeed, all his friends are dead. His family is dead _._ Everyone he ever loved is dead. And that was a scary thought for a person who actually died. I thought about my mother. And cat. And friends, all gone.

“I'll give you one more chance. However, the fight for the bell will be much harder after lunch. Eat lunch only if you are up to challenge. But don't let Naruto eat. As punishment for trying to steal the food before lunch. The person who feeds him will immediately fail.”

Next thing, we were sitting near the log enjoying our lunches. Well, all except Naruto and I. Naruto because he was punished, I because I didn't finish ‘inspecting’ the food. My headache wasn't gone but it also wasn't as painful as before. No, now I only felt the urge to vomit, but I had nothing in my stomach. Sublime. And I didn't want to give it something, only to have it come out five minutes later. Not to mention the others.

_Keh. How peaceful._ The black duckling and the pinkie were eating slowly which only made Naruto's stomach growl louder.  _How can they eat with someone staring hungrily at them_?

“I'm fine even if I don't eat! I'm ok! Okay…” the blonde assured us without believing he, himself the words.

_That stomach is really upset and hungry_. I really pitied him, as a past gourmand myself. Of course, my throwing up sessions in the middle of the night put an end to that. Sasuke held up his lunch in front of Naruto.  _Finally._

“Here.”

“B-but, Sasuke-kun, sensei just said…” Sakura started and I rolled my eyes.

“Don't worry I don't sense him nearby.” _Bullshit. You’re not a sensor, Uchiha._  “We are going to get the bells together.” He shifted his gaze to me and then back. "He’s going to be only trouble if he's hungry."

I smiled. It was good to see these friendly-Sasuke moments. Sakura offered her lunch to Naruto, after considering it carefully. This, of course, touched the blonde far more that Sasuke's benevolence.

“You don't need to thank me, just eat, hurry” she smiled, not understanding yet the problem that came with offering him food.

“But um…”

“I'm on a diet… I mean, I eat less than Sasuke-kun.”

“No one has to eat less than anyone” I said getting up.

“Kaya…-chan?”

I gathered the boxes not bothering with asking them and made out of three, four lunches equally divided. _I'm a genius._  The psychological impact was the key. I couldn’t keep down anything right now. Unless I wanted to empty my stomach right there, in front of their eyes.

“Isn’t this better? Being smart.”

“Kaya-chan that's amazing!” Naruto said smiling.

“Nah, it’s just practical thinking. But yeah, I have my moments. Rare.” I sat down not facing the three of them. “By the way Sakura… Naruto is tied; he can't possibly eat on his own.”

“What?!”  _Poor pinkie._

“Hurry, we don't know when he comes back” the duck said keeping a watch on the surrounding. _Hopefully, faster than you hope._ I was tired of sitting on my butt doing nothing.

“I'm going to do this just once. Understood?”

Watching Sakura trying to feed a hungry tied up Naruto was more entertaining than I could have possibly imagine. And then Kakashi made his apparition. All cloudy and dark, trying to frighten us.

“You four broke the rules. Are you prepared for the punishment?”

“But…but…but!” Naruto started.

“We're a three members team, right?” Sasuke asked trying to make the others snap out of it. Then he sneaked a quick glance around. “… with an additional one.”

Oh, geez Sasuke, thank you. I feel so important.

“You suck at giving motivational speeches.”

“Yeah! We four are one!” Sakura added finding her courage. This was all getting a little too sappy for my tastes. But I had to give her points for saying it from the heart.  _Nope._

“Yeah! YEAH! That's right!”

“You'll have a bad time trying to get over four best genin of the year. And united at that.” I smirked after mustering something on the spot because I didn’t want to be the only one left out with no line. Not acting like a kid my ass.

“You four are one, huh?” Kakashi said approaching with determination only to break into a smile and giving us thumbs up. “You passed.”

I let out a breath I didn't know I kept until then _. Just according to the plan_.

“…why?” Sakura said not convinced yet. I braced myself for the wise words that were about to spill from Hatake Kakashi.

“Shinobi must think beyond the normal. In the world of shinobi, those who break the rules are scum. But those who don't take care of their friends are even worse scum. The training ends here. Team 7 will be doing missions starting tomorrow! Let's go home.”

“That's the sweetest thing you said all day.” I sighed walking away longing for my bed back at my apartment.

“ 'Home' ” I mused happily. “Wait, shouldn't we untie the idiot?”

Somewhere in the distance a furious blonde fox was screaming for freedom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was supposed to update this every week, but of course that didn’t happen and I apologize. Yes, it’s a cannon chapter because I set up the roles every character will have in the team, but more important some details about Kaya’s attitude towards team 7. Well, now, I have 5 or so chapters ready, but I’ve want to re-write them because in my opinion things happen too slow and I’ve decided to focus more on some things. In other words, enjoy, tell me what you think about this chapter and if something caught your attention ^_^


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter IX: Memento Mori**

 

I looked around the room. The light was getting in rather nicely. And there were plants at the window crawling out and in, against the liqueur wall.  _So green_. Well, of course, I was in Konoha, wasn't I? I looked away from the window and then to the neatly organized desk.  _It’s cleaner and more organized than my whole flat._  Well, I had a cat though, and that was enough reason why I couldn't have a clean flat. That and my incurable laziness.  _At least it doesn't smell like cat piss every day now._ I discovered a year ago the magic of nice smelling cat sand. So has Mikasa.

"Kaya are you avoiding my statement?"  
_Yes_.

"Hm?" I asked focusing my eyes on the woman in the white medical robe. Was that how it was called?  _She has been talking._ Oh. Oups. She has? She was looking at me with a look that could cut glass, her brown eyes narrowed to slights. But then her face broke into a sigh.

"You didn't hear anything I just said, did you?" she shook her head in disapproval letting go of my analysis worksheet on the desk and leaning back into her chair with a tired expression.

"Nope" I lied happily. I caught a black strand of my hair between my fingers and meticulously studied it.  _When did it become so wavy? It's almost curly._  I've decided that humidity and my hair was not a good combination.

"Your medical results aren't bad, but they are far from good." she said tiredly grabbing her glasses. "There's a slight anemia and that might be the source of the headaches, or at least it contributes to it. Your eye tests, however … is  **not**  good."

She stopped trying to observe my reaction, I presumed, as I could see her from the corner of my eyes.  _I knew there was something fishy._  I mean, I heard her the first time but I couldn't understand a thing she said, and now I was patiently making her repeat it in words that I could understand. Yay for me.

"Your eyes are losing melanin." she said urgently as if trying to get my attention. "Are you familiar with the term 'Fuchs heterochromic iridocyclitis' ?"

"Those are  _terms."_  I pointed out gracing her with my attention. "And no. I've never heard of it in my entire life."

"Fuchs heterochromic iridocyclitis" she started with a proud and formal voice as if she was giving a lecture " is a chronic unilateral uveitis appearing with the triad of heterochromia, predisposition to cataract and glaucoma, and keratitic precipitates on the posterior corneal surface. Patients are often asymptomatic and the disease is often discovered through investigation of the cause of the heterochromia or cataract. Neovascularisation (growth of new abnormal vessels), is possible and any eye surgery such as cataract surgery can cause bleeding form the fragile vessels in ... I lost you at 'Fuchs heterochromic iridocyclitis is' haven't I?"

_Oh my Vala, I've opened Wikipedia._

"Yep" I nodded happily. "What does that mean? Do I have heterochromia?"

"Well, no, not exact-"

"Am I going blind?"

"No! Of cour-"

"Then everything is fine. If I'm not going blind. Heterochromia would have been awesome though."

"Will you just listen?!"

I looked at the flushed medical-nin.  _That was uncalled for._ I knew she was young and probably was getting used to have an entire department in her charge, hell she let me cut her off twice, but holy Gandalf did her voice get plastered on the walls of her office. She must have thought the same thing because she recomposed herself and looked at me with a silent 'sorry'.

"It means that your eyes might be sick or your body is and that’s what causes the melanin loss. But in here" she pointed at the medical report "it doesn't say anything about any cause that could set it off. So, it should be because of your eyes. You don't have Fuchs heterochromic iridocyclitis, but that is the only thing close to your condition. Do you have any other symptom aside headaches and sudden blurriness?"

"No. But they both are very effective in making me want to jump off the Hokage mountain." I answered dryly.  _Why did I even come to this greenie? I should have made an appointment to someone else._ Maybe I will. It couldn't be bad if I listened to another opinion on my… condition. I nodded. "What does it mean that I'm losing melanin?"

"Loss of color in the iris. Sensitivity to light. And that might cause  _headaches_. However, it  _could_  be premature cataract or worse glaucoma, but I should have been able to see it if that was the case. There are obvious symptoms for both of them, which clearly _aren’t_ present in your case. " she sighed exhausted. "Or perhaps it's something from what you eat or drink. Alimentation influences our body in every way. Anyway, I'm going to prepare some eye drops. Who knows? Maybe it is just a phase. Oh, and I'll prescribe you something for your headaches. Perhaps even write you a natural diet. Yeah. I want to try that."

_I don't like it._ Her eyes were shining and her huge smile did nothing but creep me out rather than assure me that everything was going to be fine. She was enthusiastic about the whole 'natural remedy' and I seemed to be her new Guinee pig.

"Doc, are you experimenting on me your naturist ideas?" I asked as she disappeared behind a door to her lab without closing it.

"No! It just occurred to me. Your affliction isn't an illness, it's more of a temporary condition so if we speed it up it might be better for you during the missions and training. It might take months or even years before the blurriness settles down and it might affect your vision. So, I'm going to detoxify your body and give you a temporary treatment in order to locate the cause of it."

"O…k" I said unsure of what the hell she meant with all that.  _It doesn't make any sense._  "So when should I come after the eye drops? Tomorrow?"

" **No**. Ten minutes."

_She is creepy._  Especially when I didn't exactly speak with her but with her lab door.  _Yeah. Good talk, door_. I sighed.  _I wonder what the others are doing._  I didn't attend this morning's mission as I wasn't really fond of pulling some plants out of the ground. Sure, it might have been very important to the client who was growing herbs, but for us that was both boring and a waste of our time. I didn't realize how boring it _was_ to do D-rank missions. But after several days spent helping the population of the village with various day-to-day activities, I was supportive of Naruto's whining outbursts.  _I have to meet them after I get out of here. Kakashi expects that._ He knew where I was and I was pretty sure the others knew as well by now. And that at least the blonde will be nagging me until I told him why was seeing a doctor.  _Urgh. That's why I hate working with others._

"Here you go."

I looked to the brown-haired woman holding a phial of some transparent liquid for me to take, across her desk. I took the phial watching it skeptically.  _This is the miraculous thing that will make my blurriness go away?_  Well.

"Do I want to know what you put in here?" I asked.

"No. I want you to get a brain scan as well." she said categorically as if she expected me to oppose the idea. "Not today. You'll have to make an appointment for that as well. I doubt I'll find anything wrong but I want to be sure. Better like this than sorry. It could be a case of encephalitis mixed with something else." she grimaced. That was the third diagnose she put on me. "It's frustrating until we find the cause of it. Anyway, I'll write you a healthy diet to stimulate your metabolism. A healthy life style is the key to longevity."

"Longevity isn't really one of my main concerns. I'm a ninja." I said dryly. Too few shinobi actually live long enough to have a family.

"Ah,  _ninja"_  she shook her head writing a rather long list. "There, you're free to go."

"Am I supposed to understand what you wrote here? It lacks any legibility."

"Legibility isn't my concern. I'm a doctor."

Ҩ

I was still smiling when I got to the Hokage building.  _That woman._  I liked her. After all, how many medical-nins actually treated you like a patient and not a simpleton child in this village?  _I want Tsunade here. Now._  I bet she would know exactly what was wrong with me. I’ve violently run into something, while being trapped in my own head. I forced my legs to not give in and fall.

"What the – KAYA-CHAN!"

Fucking wonderful.  
"Hey Naruto." I said sending the spiky blonde an icy look. Sakura smiled delighted while the ever scowling Uchiha sighed. Yep, I'm stuck with these guys.

"Kaya-chan" Sakura started " you're done with, um, your appointment? Everything is fine?"

"Yeah." I said sending a glare to the grey jounin a who kept quiet.

"Why did you needed to see a doctor, Kaya-chan? You seem well." Naruto inquired giving me a checkup, head to toes look.  _This idiot blonde midget._  Well, in some years he wouldn't be a midget anymore.

"Keh. Just a problem with headaches. Probably because of lack of sleep." I waved my hand nonchalantly. "What's the mission?"

"To find and catch Tora the cat." the duck almost growled in visible annoyance.

"Cat? I love cats!"

"Come on." Kakashi said walking. "We had enough chatting. We have to do the mission _today_."

Three hours later Tora was tearing apart Naruto's face. I laugh at the sight of the distressed blonde and the vicious cat fidgeting with her claws out.  _It fits her name._  If she was but a little bigger, I would have believed her to be a tiger cub.

"Does it have a ribbon on its right ear?" Kakashi asked through the station. "Is it our target, Tora?"

"It's the target for sure."

I laughed approvingly at the duck as Naruto's desperate screeching intensified. I took the cat stroking her head. Sakura watched the ball of fur as I tried to keep her claws away with my jacket.  _If she as much as scratch it, I'm drowning it in the river and burn the body._  I loved my jacket, more than Jace Herondale loved his.

"Why isn't it trying to kill you?!" Naruto protested as we were walking.

"She is" I said adjusting the cat in my arms "but she can't reach me. I grew up with cats, you know."

"She's adorable." Sakura said, without touching the little tiger though.

"Really? Do you want to hold it then?" I said through gritted teeth and her answer was only a nervous smile. I looked back with the corner of my eyes, just to make sure the Uchiha was here as well.  _That duck is awfully quiet._  But... it was Uchiha Sasuke that I was talking about.

At the Hokage building we understood perfectly well why the cat run away in the first time.  _That's not how you show affection to a cat_. The lady who owned the cat – and who I learned, was the wife of the Fire Daimyō – was practically terrorizing it by snuggling it tightly, while Tora was meowing desperately much like Naruto earlier.

"I understand that cat perfectly." I whispered to Sakura and she nodded watching the fat lady almost squash Tora. "So that's the wife of the Daimyō. Burning her cat wasn't a viable option then."

Both Sakura and Sasuke shot me similar horrified looks.  _I should really keep my psychopathic thoughts to myself._  I smiled at the two and turned to the Hokage who was reading our next mission, sitting at a table full of scrolls and papers, even notebooks with missions. Iruka was there as well as other chūnin, sorting the missions I guessed.

"Now then, Kakashi's seventh team's mission is..." the Third read "babysitting Yojyu-sama boy. Grocery shopping at the neighboring town. Helping dig up potatoes at..."

"No! No thanks to all of those!" Naruto exclaimed making elevate gestures through the air to make a point.  _Really? He's going to explode._  But he had a point and if this was  _that_  moment in the story-line I was thinking it was then he would get exactly what he wants. Which I wasn't overly excited about. "I want to do more exciting missions!" the blonde continued.

I looked at the others and although they kept silence, I could see they agreed with the blonde.  _Geez, guys._ But then again, when did I become this lazy Shikamaru?  _Speaking of which..._  I hadn't really interacted with the other genin. I busied myself spending time with team seven and training, that I had no time to take long walks through the village as I usually did. Because you know, walking around the village forces you to actually run into people, since yeah, the village is populated. Yet, I guessed that even if I did that, the other had missions too.  _What the hell? What is this? When exactly did I become so social craving? I don't even know them well enough to call any of them more than 'acquaintance'._  Yeah. What was this all of the sudden? I was so engrossed in my conflicted ideas that I missed out a good portion of conversation with Iruka yelling at Naruto and the Third explaining something about the missions. I think.

"You always lecture me like that, pops" Naruto said sitting of the wooden floor with his legs crossed.  _How and when did he get there?_  "But I'm not the kid who used to pull pranks anymore."

"No, you're the idiot who whines now." I agreed. "But he's right. We can't keep doing D-ranked missions or we'll lose our bloody minds out of boredom. Aren't genin supposed to do C-ranked missions as well, whatever that means?"

"Kaya-chan..." I heard Sakura half protesting or something while Naruto was watching me with an expression torn between indignation and surprise.

"You have been paying attention." the Hokage said almost smiling. "But  _you_  are doing missions  _voluntary_."

_And if I don't like the mission I can refuse. ... and be put under ANBU surveillance until the team gets back._ I gritted my teeth at the implied truth.  _That quieted me_. Wonderful.  _Awkward._  The rest of the team was looking at me. I smiled at the Hokage.  _Ok. If he wants me to shut up, I will._

"I understand." he said pretending to be deep in thought over the matter. "If you  _insist,_  I will allow you to take on a C ranked mission. It's to escort a certain person."

"Really?!" Naruto turned to the Third with the face of a happy golden retriever. "Who? _Who?_  The feudal lord? Or a princess?"

"Don't be so hasty. I'll introduce him now"

_Why did he have to say that?_ I closed my eyes _._  Now my brain was swimming in Lord of The Rings.  _Beneath the roof of sleeping leaves the dreams of trees unfold..._ No. Nope. I shook my head earning a look from Sasuke.

"Can you come in, please?"

_...When woodland halls are green and cool, and the wind is in the west._  We all turned after the Third invited someone to enter the room. I sighed in anticipation. Yeah. It was that mission.

"What? They're all kids!"

_...Come back to me, come back to me and say my land is best!_  A very drunk Tazuna took some consistent sips from the bottle he was holding, steadying himself in the doorway.  _At least the entish song stopped. And it isn't even the poem from the books, for the names of the Valar._  Yeah, it was from the movies.

“What the hell are you reciting?” Sasuke whispered to me while he shot me a suspicious look.

“Oh shit, that was out loud?” 

"Hey, is the smallest one there with the idiotic face really a ninja? And what’s up with the shitty poem?"

"Pfff. If that is shitty you should take a good look in the mirror, Mr. Mission." I said shaking my head. I looked at the inebriated man with disgust. I hated people who drank and allowed themselves to get into this pathetic state.

“What did you say, little girl?!”

“Kaya, we don’t insult the client.” Kakashi warned. “It’s unprofessional.”

"Who's the smallest one with the idiotic face?" Naruto asked and I sighed. Sasuke and Sakura got a little closer and the blonde looked up to both of them. I came laughing and put my hand on his shoulder.

"Sorry blondie but you're in minority." I said gesturing from my forehead to his, pointing out the significant difference of height.  _And I'm shorter than Sasuke._  Realization dawned on the blonde and Kakashi had to hold him back. With one hand, because this is Naruto we're talking about. _Shouldn't that mean that we need an entire army to hold him back?_  Shh. Not yet. A couple of year later.

"I'm going to kill you!"

"You can't kill the person you're supposed to escort, idiot."

"I'm going to kill you!"

"I am the bridge building expert Tazuna. Once I have returned to my country, I will have all of you protect my life with yours. Until I finish the bridge."

"Ha" I said amused. "Well aren't you optimistic? I  **will not**  give my life to protect you. They will,  **but I won't**." The others looked at me with surprised expressions.  _Of course, that's not something a shinobi would say._ I couldn't stop myself _._

Tazuna sent me a long glance before he became preoccupied with the bottle again.  _So much about that._  I knew Tazuna, hell this was _the_ mission for team seven.  _This_  was when it all actually started. And I knew that, as a civilian, being aware that somebody wants you dead, the mob to be more exactly – Gato – wasn't really a nice feeling. Yes, I was thinking about Inari and Tsunami as well. But that didn't mean I should be kind to him, not when he was treating us with superiority even if he needed us to protect him.  _I hate arrogant people._ I shot Sasuke a look and snorted.  _Yeah that much is clear._  The black haired duck frowned at me but I just looked at Kakashi.

"So, when are we leaving?"

"You have one hour to pack. We meet at the Village Gate."

_Hurrah_. It took me twenty minutes to only get home.  _Leaving in forty minutes? That leaves me very little time to actually pack things._  I rushed through the flat ignoring the fluffy cat that was watching me from my bed, sitting comfortably on a hump of clothes.  _I should have washed those earlier._ Well, now it was too late. I went to the kitchen and took out of the fridge the packed food I've put in a day ago.  _Something really stinks_. I've been preparing for a long-term mission for some days now and I still felt a little paranoid about forgetting something.  _Let's see_. _Food, ninja tools, sleeping bag, rope._ I always had rope with me, memento for Samwise Gamgee. I snorted.  _I'm nuts._  I changed into my dark brown tank top and red unbuttoned shirt. Practical clothes: I loved them. I also packed another change of clothes, in case these got turned to rags _. Good_. I checked again to make sure I got everything.  _I'm still forgetting something._  The kunai and shuriken were in my tool holder, food and water supplies alongside clothes in the bag, bandages and medicine in... ** _bandages and medicine_** _._ I shook my head on my way to the bathroom.  _How could I forget_? Well, I didn't. I took my eye drops with me as well. I wasn't going to disrupt my treatment because of the mission.  _Although I could say 'no' to this mission._  I shook my head.  _And miss an opportunity to see how far I've come with my training? Miss all the fun?_  I chuckled and Mikasa watched me changing the sand in her litter box. Never in a million years.  _I'll get killed, most likely_. But how else was I going to make sure that everything went according to the anime? I wasn't Naruto or Sasuke. I was something like Sakura, slightly above her, but most likely just as useless right now. _Yeah, this is bad._  I grimaced at the thought. Now is not the best time for self-pity and underestimating myself kind of crisis. Nope.

"So" I began turning in the middle of the room. "I packed my things, fed Mikasa and changed her litter sand, threw away the bad food in the fridge, closed the windows." I turned to the pyramid of laundry "didn't do  _that_  and neither had I paid the bills."  _That will bite me right in my ass when I get back._   **If**  I get back.  _Well, I've died once before. Maybe this time I get put Tokyo Ghoul. Wait. No. Bad idea.  No, joking. I was joking._ I shook my head. Have I ever mentioned how much I loved this world?

_The hour is almost gone_. Time to get going. I turned to my left looking at a very unusual object for this ninja world. Kakashi's words came back at me from three or so days ago ' _Admittedly, it's unconventional, but not unheard of_ '. I played my fingers of the smooth wooden surface and nipped the cord.  _This is from back home._ I smiled. Not the thing itself. No. One of those things, that along with my conscious, I took with me in this world. I put my black jacket on, rolling my sleeves up, struggling with the eye drops.  _I think I'm paranoid indeed._  I watched my eyes in the mirror, attentive to how the supplementary liquid mixed with the cornea.  _The doc said that they are losing melanin._  Yet I couldn't see any difference. Of course, they weren't pitch black as Sasuke's but they were dark brown. Granted now their color was lighter but that because of the white light in the bathroom and because they were red rimmed as a result of applying eye drops.  _I always hated brown eyes._  Don't judge. I was born with pansy blue eyes.  _But not in this world._  I snorted, putting the eye drops back in my backpack, leaving the flat in a hurry.  _I'm going to be late._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick chapter, enjoy and let me know what you think about it!


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter IX : Herr Mannelig**

 

“Kaya-chan!”

“Yeah, I know. I'm late.” I sped up my steps toward team 7 and Tazuna who were waiting by the gate of the village. The one who greeted me from the distance was Sakura, waving her hand and smiling. How could she be so cheerful when a person as grumpy as me was approaching, was beyond me.

“What took you so long, Kaya-chan?” Naruto was the one ahead, anxious to start his first mission outside the village.

“Well, you know” I said passing the duck and watching him from the corner of my eye. "I had to sing an old Swedish ballad to some orphans, feed the goats and bury four ANBU bodies in my backyard."

“…”

“Might have been three. Yeah, I’m pretty sure there were three.”

“We should get going.” Kakashi said while Naruto sent me weird glances.  _Really?_  I shook my head, while a smile sprung up my face.  _It is kind of funny. His reaction of course_. I've never been a funny person, let alone a random one, but I was beginning to develop a rather unhealthy addiction to macabre jokes.

“Um, Kaya-chan, is that a bow?” Sakura asked rather shyly.  _No, it's a rubber duck._ I nipped at the string that was _not_ resting across my body as you see in the movies. Why would anyone do that? It would weaken the string. It was resting in the quiver at my back.

“Yeah. And these are some  _arrows_  which are put in a  _quiver._  Like the one on my shoulder.” I explained talking slow as Sakura's expression became slightly annoyed.  _Don't ask obvious things and I won't treat you like a retard._

“Hn.”

“What was that, duckling?” I asked the Uchiha which was looking at my bow with discontent.

“Stop calling me that. Bows and arrows aren't shinobi weapons. They are useless in one-to-one fight. They’re used primarily for hunting.” he deadpanned.

“You’d be surprised.” I stated coldly. “It is true that shinobi don't use archery when we have kunai and shuriken and other weapons that are used in hand-to-hand and close combat – quite specific for shinobi – but with a good aim and  _exceptional_  reflexes, formed after a tedious and atrocious training…” I smiled venomously at the duckling “It can be  _very_  effective.”

 _No point in mentioning that I don't possess either of the two._  I had a good aim. I had been in the archery team of the school back home and I'd trained every minute between missions – my fingers bear the proof – but one thing was to hit a target that wasn't moving and another thing was to hit a shinobi, moving with such speed, my eyes couldn't keep up with.  _Yeah, but I'm fast._  Yeah, but I had problems with my freaking eyes which happen to be kind of essential in archery.  _Oh, well_. It was better than stopping my training now, when I've finally made some progress.  _I have to work on my speed of shooting._ Actually, I had to work on my speed in general. _Indeed, but this is about archery. I also have to get used to adjust my aim to any target. And to do it fast._ Details. Yes _. Details which can make the difference between life and death_. Deductions and inductions and a good eyesight.  _Constant vigilance!_ What was Mad-Eye Moody doing in my head?

We walked for quite a while before making a stop. The weather was rather torrid and I wanted to crawl on the ground or  _in the ground_ itself.  _I hate the Land of Fire._ I've always dreamt of moving in the northern lands, countries like Finland, Sweden or Norway. Of course, that idea died the second I opened my undeveloped eyes in this world, twelve years ago.  _Blonde hair. **That**  woman…_

“Hokage is the village's number one ninja, right?” Tazuna asked taking another sip from his bottle. “I don't think a guy like you can become one.”

He was talking with Naruto.  _Oh look, more useless dialogue I blocked out._  I had the habit of spacing out, unfortunately – fortunately? – missing out portions of conversations. Which, of course, was a sign of pathology if not mental illness, but  _nothing_ to bother myself with on a mission. Pff.

“Shut up! I'm willing to go through any hardship to become Hokage!” was Naruto's predictable reply.

 _Yeah, starting from being beaten to a pulp, training with a perverted Sannin, spend his entire teenage trying to bring back his best friend who doesn't really want to come back because the village killed his clan, stop a war, defeat a demon-mother-progenitor-of-chakra-goddess-not-really woman and loose his right hand._ Sadly enough, the old man  _was_  talking with a future Hokage of the Village Hidden in the Leaves.

“ _When_ I become Hokage, you will have to take notice of me!”

“I won't, kid. Even if you become Hokage.”

“I'm going to kill you!”

“Stop, stupid.”

“Last time I’ve checked” I turned to Tazuna “the Land of Waves has no shinobi and relies on the help of Konohagakure. A little more respect for the Hokage title won't hurt.”

“I wasn't disregarding the Hokage, just the blonde brat.” the old man simply stated pointing at the transfigured Naruto, while Kakashi was holding him back.

“Well, ok then. But you never know who the next Hokage will be.” Perhaps a blonde, just not this one. Yet. “And if you're done with the break, we should go.”

I looked around.  _Am I anxious because I know what will happen, or because my intuition is screaming that something isn't right?_ Kakashi shot me a look but said nothing.  _He knows_. Well, yeah, I knew this already, but my memories were blurry. From the whole Land of Waves arc, I remembered very little. Actually, I remembered very little about the whole period before Shippudden. Except of the Chunnin Exams. Those were awesome. My hands were sweaty.  _I should have written down everything I remember. Preferably, chronologically._ I was agitated and attentive to every sound no matter how faint, but I was trying very hard to reign my nerves.

“Kakashi – sensei.” Sakura started after some time. “Are there really no shinobi in the Land of Waves?”

“No, there are no ninja in the Country of the Waves.” the grey jounin answered in a perfect teacher voice. _Enter lessons with Hatake Kakashi mode._ “To the many countries that are on this land, the existence of ninja villages is the equivalent of the country's military powers. In other words, this is how they are able to keep up the relationship with the neighboring countries. But the villages aren't under control of that country. They are supposedly equal in position.” At the last part he looked at me. “On a small island like the Land of Waves, where it’s difficult to be influenced by other countries, there is no need for shinobi.” I snorted and shook my head. “Among the countries that have a ninja village, since the five countries of fire, water, lightning, wind and earth, occupy a large mass of land and their power is immense, they are known as The Five Great Ninja Powers. The Land of Fire's Hidden Village is Konoha. The Land of Water's Hidden Village is Kirigakure. The Land of Lightning's Hidden Village is Kumogakure. The Land of Wind's Hidden Village is Sunagakure. And the Land of Earth's Hidden Village is Iwagakure." _This is a looooooong politics lesson._  "Only the leader of each hidden village is allowed to carry the name of 'Kage'. Hokage, Mizukage, Raikage, Kazekage, Tsuchikage, otherwise known as the 'Five Kages', are the ninjas that reign over the tens of thousands of ninjas that exists in the countries throughout the world.”

“So, basically any country that doesn’t have shinobi, is militarily crippled.” I concluded. “No influence from the outside, and no real power for social order from the inside. Left to rot from the inside.”

“Not necessarily.” Kakashi frowned. “There are samurai – ”

“Yeah, but not in the Land of Waves case or other small nations alike. There’s always conflict and although the shinobi nations tend to collide with each other – let’s not forget the Great Shinobi Wars – they also deal with internal political and social unrest. But we have organizations like the ANBU, or once-upon-a-time the Konoha Military Police Force before us, the Uchiha, were wiped out – and I still don’t know why we haven’t replaced that with something else. The Land of Waves has nothing to ensure order. I’m not even sure of who runs the country.”

Kakashi seemed taken aback by my sudden interest in politics and social order, while Tazuna sent me a not-so-drunk sharp glance. I also spied Sasuke with the corner of my eye and the duckling looked like a weird combination of pissing himself a little at the mention of the Uchiha and seeing the Satan at my suggestion to replace the Millitary Police Force . _Grow a pair, for fuck’s sake, they’re dead and they’ve been so for the last 4 years._ But of course, he actually _knew_ the people from the clan unlike rejects like me.  

“Are they responsible of every each of them?” I asked automatically changing the subject to an adjacent idea. "The Kages. Do they take responsibility of every member of their nation?"

“Yes.” Kakashi answered solemnly. “They are in charge of all ninjas from their country, protecting or condemning them, when the case occurs.”

“Wow. Hokage-sama must be a great man!” Sakura exclaimed excitedly.

“But, not so good a Kage.” I said dryly and that made both Sakura and Naruto turn to me. “He already failed as one. Also, I find that idea absurd. Pff, for every member. He’s not Jesus.”

My voice must have been a little harsher then I intended because although the others looked at me questioning they said nothing and I carefully avoided Sasuke's gaze.  _It's absurd he doesn't know what I mean._ Yeah, but  _I_ knew. Funnily enough, they didn't protest. I have just insulted, or well, accused the head of the village of being a failure and no one actually reacted. Not even Kakashi or Naruto. That didn't mean that I couldn't feel his eyes burning holes in my back, of course, but I had to wonder, did I  seem so grim about it that even the number one Hokage fan didn’t disagree with my statement?

“Don't worry.” Kakashi assured Sakura patting her on the head. “We won't have any ninja fights in a C-ranked mission.”  _Yeah, how I wished you were right. You have no idea._ But then again, if that was the case, it wouldn't fit the storyline.

“Then, there's no worry about meeting a foreign ninja.” Sakura said a little more at ease.

“Of course.”

“None at all.” I agreed with a sardonic tone. 

Both I and Sasuke turned to look at the three, Kakashi, Sakura and Tazuna.  _Especially Tazuna._ Then we both looked at each other.  _Well, at least I'm not paranoid._ He nodded his head almost imperceptible. So, he noticed too.  _We're being watched._ Was it an Uchiha thing?I was impressed. No, not with Sasuke. With myself, because I did not expect the way I seemed attune with my surroundings. Perhaps I _wasn’t_ going to get everybody killed miserably and fail the mission. If I remembered well, which most likely I didn’t, Kakashi knew we were followed and ignored the two nins just to see who they were after. I mean, he was a jounin. If we could tell something was not right, I doubted he didn’t.

 However, I couldn't remember if Sasuke noticed as well and as a consequence, hadn't been surprised when they were attacked or if he just happens to always be on his guard and have a better grip of his nerves than the others. _I wonder._ I knew Uchiha were prone to ninjutsu and therefore had a calling for chakra manipulation and were kind of sensitive in this aspect. But feeling it on my own it was exciting. Or it was me being hyper paranoid.

  We continued walking on our way through the Land of Fire enjoying the  _very_ sunny day. _Such an intelligent choice of clothes._  I mean, on a hot and sunny day, what else could you can wear if not black clothing. My legs were melting underneath my dark pants. And they were high-waisted and pretty thick, because as an aspiring ninja on a mission I couldn't actually wear jeans.  _No, I have these._ Perhaps I should write a book about pants. Wait, there was a book about that right? Besides, fashion had never been my  _forte_. I started humming just to fill the silence and relax. Of course, this resulted in a very annoyed duck, a curious blonde and tense Tazuna. Well, he was tensed either way since he knew exactly how dangerous was to walk on the road with Gato wanting his head.

“Bergatrollet ut på dörren sprang, hon rister och jämrar sig svåra” I mumbled quietly. “Hade jag fåttden fager ungersven, så hade jag mistat min plåga.”

“Kaya-chan what are you humming?” Naruto asked turning.

 _Not quietly enough it seems_.

“The Swedish ballad? Gosh, did you think I was joking this morning?” I answered happy.

“About the ballad or the ANBU?” Kakashi joked, because I would have never in a hundred years be able to take out the three ANBU always tailing me through the village at all time. I just really hoped they weren’t Danzo’s Root. Fingers crossed.

"What ballad?"

"One you've never heard about. Duh, it’s in Swedish."

"What is 'Swedish'?"

I stopped dead in my track and look at him. Oh, yeah. Different world. Sweden doesn’t exist here. 

“It's a Nordic language. From a faraway land. Might be gibberish to be honest.” 

“What’s the ballad about?”  _Does he ever shut up? I should have never answered the first question._  Somehow, I doubted that would have changed the situation very much. I sighed. _Well now, if I’ve started, might as well give a full explanation_. It wasn’t like I had anything else to do.

“About a mountain troll who tries to convince a knight to marry her so she'd be released from a curse.” I explained. “It's a medieval ballad. She offers him different gifts: twelve steeds, twelve mills, a gilded sword and a shirt. As dowry. Some think that the 'troll' is actually a pagan woman, wanting to marry a Christian knight.” I grimaced. “But that only if you want to see it from a religious – discriminating point of view. I don’t. It wouldn’t be far from the truth though." I was still mourning the destruction of the temple from Uppsala. _And not only._

“Does she succeed in convincing him?” Sakura asked curious.  _Is she thinking of another similar situation…?_

“Of course not.” I looked at her with disbelief. “Can you imagine yourself loving someone who’s from a different religion and culture from you? Are you crazy? Gos forbid. Christians in that age were _very_ interesting. And by interesting, I mean fanatic, delusional and ignorant individuals, bound by the word of God. Which they broke everytime they could obtain power, money or pleasure. But it’s ok, as long as we have confessions and indulgences to absolve us of our sins.” I kept a close eye on the trees surrounding us and the river behind us, passing the low bridge. “But that’s just my bitterness about human stupidity and collective – religious – psychosis. Back to the ballad, a shorter answer : because she's not a Christian or pious woman. And because, well, she's a  _troll._ ”

Sakura looked at me disappointed with the ending of the ballad and maybe a little lost because of my rant. Damn was I opinionated for a woman, right?  _Well, it's a ballad. Not all ballads are happy. Actually, I don't think I know a happy-ending ballad._  Nope. Not even in Tolkienverse.  ** _Definitely not in the Tolkien universe_** _._ And especially not if love and women were involved, because we know we are the root of all evils. _I’m pretty sure my menstruation stopped two days ago, why am I going crazy about religion, feminism and discrimination per general?_

“But Kaya-chan, where did you hear it from?”

 _Oups_. That caught me off guard. I turned to Sakura and blinked a couple of times. Where did I hear it?  _From youtube, which is a video-sharing website on the internet. Which is a global system of interconnected computer networks that use the standard Internet protocol suite to link several billion devices worldwide, in a universe far away which might or might not exist._ Holy shit, my flat mate’s voice was in my head. Let’s try phrasing that in a shorter and more comprehensive way.

“I can't really remember.” I lied blatantly. “I’ve heard it when I was very young from a drunk in a dark alley. Nothing happened.” I grinned at Kakshi’s concerned look. “I’ve also found the lyrics in a book from the library. But yeah, I do speak broken Swedish. It’s the first language I’ve picked up when I was a baby. Can’t remember half of it though.” My father would kick my ass for that. Ten years spent on me to forget the language. Shame.

“You're a strange ninja, aren't you kid?” Tazuna asked glancing at me. “You don't seem preoccupied with ninja things. Even your clothes aren't something that ninjas would wear in this weather… Or anyone for the matter.”

“I'm forcing the hand of Fall.” I replied stepping right in a puddle. “Argh! See? I hate getting water in my shoes. Now, if I had brought my boots, as they were matching with my outfit, puddles like these wouldn’t be a problem.” I continued mumbling trying to get the water out of what I guessed was standard shinobi foot-wear since the four of us had the same shoes.  _We need some diversity. And another pair of eyes._

 I looked at the trees with one of my shoes in my hand.  _How long, I wonder._  I knew we were going to be attacked but the wait was agonizing.  _Ha. If now I'm like this, how will I react in the future? In much more critical situations when I also know what will happen._ I shook my head. I needed to focus. I don't think we distanced ourselves more than a couple of meters when the chains wrapped around Kakashi.  _And my heart pounds in my ears._

“What…?” Naruto exclaimed unable to react to the sudden attack and mortified when the chains seemingly turned the grey jounin to shards. “KAKASHI – SENSEI!”

To say that my mind went blank was an understatement. I've never been much of a fighter even in my world. I was that pacifist, laid back and talking my way out of problematic situations. Basically, a shit talker, I’ve been a shit talker. But this was not a shit talking situation.  I should have thought about the situation at hand. I should have remembered this from the anime _._ I _should have_.

_In the anime… what the fuck happens in the anime?!_

Thankfully, one of us actually reacted and that was, of course, the duck. The first thing he did was to pin the chains to a tree.  _I remember._  I pulled an arrow out of the quiver and shot through Sasuke's shuriken.  _Now that should hold._

“Sakura, the client!” I shouted at the baffled pinkie.

The two shinobi let go of the chain and parted.  _Come on, I missed the glorious sight of Sasuke stepping on their arms._  … really? My arrow was shaking in the bowstring.  _Which one?_  One was going after Naruto who was frozen in his place and the other was coming after Sakura and Tazuna.  _Yeah, but there's Sasuke too._ I released my arrow, which surprisingly thrust the shoulder of the one behind Naruto, with a satisfying sound of pierced flesh. That didn't stop him though, but it did make him turn sideways, surprised, redirecting him. I aimed at the second ninja coming straight at Sasuke who was protecting Sakura and Tazuna with his own body.  _How touching._  I felt the wood of the bow leaving marks in my palm. To my surprise, I couldn't shoot. Why? Out of sheer fear? _What the fuck…?_ I could see the mass of black and metal coming closer to the others and I couldn't release the arrow because I wasn't sure I wouldn't hit Sasuke. Or Sakura. Not with my hands shaking as if I  fucking had Parkinson.  _I hesitated._  I was just as frozen as Naruto.  _Where is Kakashi anyway?_

 _It seems the odds are in my favor_. As if I just summoned him, Kakashi appeared with both ninjas immobilized and unconscious.  _When did he…? Never mind_. I sighed relieved lowering the bow.  _I didn't even see him._  But that was the point I guessed

"Yo."

"What the fu – do you mean 'Yo'?!" I exclaimed.  _For one second…_

For one second, I thought that something would go  _really badly_  and off the fucking original plot.  _But that isn't the case... yet_.

"Naruto, sorry for not helping out right away. You got hurt. I didn't think you would freeze like that. Anyway, Sasuke, good job. Sakura, you too."

I approached slowly, gathering my first arrow from the tree along the shuriken the duck used.  _Hm, he keeps his toys really sharp._  I inspected the arrow, which had a deep cut in the wood.  _Yeah, useless now._  I joined the others with Kakashi still holding the two nins. I took my time walking just to calm my nerves and stop the shivering still present in my hands. I arrived to be witness to one of the most delicious moments of Team 7.

"Are you hurt…scaredy-cat?"

 _Oh_. I looked between the smug Uchiha smirking and the spiked haired Uzumaki ready to explode with fury.

"SASUKEEEE!"

"Naruto. There's poison on these guys' claws. We need to take out the poison right away." Kakashi said stopping the pointless rivalry.

"W-what?!"

"We have to open your wound and leech out the poisoned blood. Don't move too much, or the poison will spread through your body. By the way Tazuna-san… I have to talk to you."

"Ok. So, you need rope." I said happily taking out of my bag the object in question. "To tie them up. And I need my arrow back."

"Oh, Kaya." Kakashi said as if he just noticed me being there. "Good aim. And speed too. But a shot in the shoulder isn't effective enough in such a situation."

"Yeah. I noticed." _I wasn't aiming for his shoulder._  Which was the sad part.

I handed the rope to Kakashi because I still didn't trust my hands. I felt his eyes linger on my hands before taking the rope. I clenched them in fists.  _Damn. Why am I reacting like this?_  I knew nothing bad would happen. I knew  _everything_  that was going to happen. I knew Kakashi was going to interfere.  _I knew._  Yet, there had been the possibility – or was it all in my head? – that things weren't going to turn up the way they did in the anime. No. That wasn't why I hesitated. That wasn't what froze me in my place and made me feel as if my blood turned for a split second in iced water. No.  _I was afraid of death. Mine and Sasuke's, Sakura's, Naruto's even Tazuna's._ It was absurd really. Being reincarnated… shouldn't death be familiar to me?  _I never acknowledged death._ That was true. I couldn't remember how I died. I couldn't remember anything concrete from the day of my death. Or from the days before that. No, I remembered my life, my mother, my best friend, cat, school, retarded mates and teachers alike, my hobbies, my books,  ** _me_**. But all that was cast aside by this world, by this existence, by this  _Me_. They couldn't coexist. I would lose my mind. I could remember my life as clear as I could remember my childhood with Nekobaa, the Academy days, the afternoons with the cats, the Massacre and the therapy that followed. All that I could take with me from my world was knowledge about this world.  _And even that is questionable._  Because I couldn't remember certain things.  _What am I going to do after this mission?_  I couldn't remember anything about what happens next. I knew the Chūnin Exams followed.  _I should stick to this mission first._

"… I needed to know who they were targeting."

Kakashi's words brought me back to reality. Tazuna looked at him visibly not comfortable with the turn of the conversation. The two shinobi – Kakashi said they were chūnin, I think – were tied to a tree, now conscious and glaring at us. Ha. I was so preoccupied with my own thoughts that I didn't register any of the movement around me.  _I should WAKE UP._

"What do you mean?" Tazuna asked uneasy.

"In other words, were you being targeted or someone from our group?" Kakashi continued on his even voice. "We haven't heard anything about you being targeted. Your request was to be protected on your road from armed groups like gags or robbers. This is a mission that is above B-rank. Our job was to support and guard you until you completed the bridge. If shinobi are our enemies, this mission would have been an expensive B-rank. It looks like you have your own reasons, but it only troubles us if you lie in your requests details. This… wasn't part of the mission."

"This mission is out of our league." Sakura stated fed up with ninja adventure time for one day. "Let's quit. We need anesthesia to take out the poisoned blood out of Naruto's hand as well."

“And Xanax.” I nodded absent mindedly, because my anxiety disorder was not compatible with my shinobi career. How did these people function without medicamentation?!

"We need to return to the village and see a doctor." Kakashi agreed.

"Anesthesia? Doctor? What's wrong with the traditional way?" I said mimicking in the air stabbing my hand which would make Vlad the Impaler extremely proud.

"That's not hygienic, Kaya-chan. And it's dangerous!"

"This sure is a lot of trouble. Let's go back to the village and have someone look at Naruto's wound." Kakashi said nonchalant.

I rolled my eyes.  _That's not supposed to needle the blonde at all._  I turned around just to make a point for my indignation …and my eyes landed on the Uchiha.  _Why is he staring at me?_  It wasn't a glare, for once, but it wasn't a neutral look either. It was rather suspicious and curious, wrapped in a frown. I raised my brows and blinked in confusion, demanding an answer. Behind me the sound of a kunai in the air made me turn abruptly on my heels.

"Why am I so different…why am I always…? Damn it!" Naruto's voice filled the short silence holding his injured hand which was pierced from one side to the other by a kunai. Blood was dripping rapidly on the ground in big drops, his hand shaking in pain.  _Gross._

"Naruto, what are you doing?!" Sakura came forward mortified by her team mate's action but Naruto acted as if he didn't hear her. “Kaya was joking you idiot!”

"I should be stronger. I've accomplished lots of missions and I've practiced every day. I'm never going to do something that will need someone to help me. I'm never going to be frightened and try to back out of things. I'm not going to lose to Sasuke." his voice became determined swallowing the painful shaking from the beginning and I had to smile at his last statement.  _You won't. "_  I vow that to the pain in my left hand. I'm going to protect the old man with this kunai!" he turned to us barely keeping it together because of the pain, but managed to laugh. "The mission is still on!"

“My liver, my heart, my anxiety attack.” I said letting out the air I didn’t know I was holding. “Don’t just go stabbing yourself after we are attacked, it sounds as if someone threw a kunai.”

_This idiot._

“Naruto, it's nice that you took out the poisoned blood so spiritedly, in the fashion Kaya-chan recommended it so  _kindly_ ….” Kakashi spoke as I mumbled a 'That was a joke'. “But you're going to die from loss of blood if any more blood comes out.”

 _This_ _**idiot**._

Silence.

“It's not good if you don't stop it right away. Seriously.”

“No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!”

“Yeah, guys, I’m going to sit on the ground now with my head between the knees. That’s a lot of blood.”

The blonde started fidgeting which most certainly wasn't helping his injured hand while Kakashi was on his level and Sakura approached with her hands on her hips in indignation at the idiot's lack of logic. I turned my head.

"I can't die like this!"

"Show me your hand."

"You can't let me die!"

"Naruto, you have a self-abusing disorder. "  _And ADHD, histrionic, anxious, self-DESTRUCTIVE personality, with influences of mild (MILD!) sociopathy_. Sakura forgot those, of course.

I could vaguely see Kakashi bandaging the hand of a very concerned Naruto, while Sakura was watching attentive probably learning how to wrap a bandage.  _Actually, we learnt that in the Academy… right?_  Yeah … probably. I was wondering what Kakashi was examining at Naruto's hand. Actually, no, I wasn't wondering, because I already knew.  _How ironical. I wasn't a fan of the manga/anime when I was in my world, now I am forced to remember what I watched once, half attentive, usually writing an essay_. I was a bigger Naruto fan now, trapped in his world, then when I was watching the anime.  _Ha_. I was half tempted to get closer and see how Naruto's wound was healing by itself.  **Half**   _tempted_.

"Spit it out, duckling." I said still watching the ground while being fully aware of a staring duck in on my left. "It can't be healthy to boil it all in like that."

"You were afraid."

“No shit.”

I turned my head to him abruptly. I didn't answer his challenge of speaking and elaborating the subject. Hm.  _Is he asking why? Or is he accusing me of not being able to release the arrow and freeze like Naruto? Or that I’m being a vegetable, trying not to empty my stomach because, holy mother of Vader, that’s a lot of blood and I really did not anticipated a panic attack?_   _Or perhaps he is trying to play with my nerves as he does with Naruto._  Because, Sasuke had this rare gift of stepping on people's nerves with a thick bluntness. His dark eyes were unnerving because I couldn't read anything in them. Only that he was growing impatient with my late answer.

“Of course, I was. I still am.” I said at least getting up. “So were you. I just happen to fear for my life as well. I'm not fond of the idea of taking a human life either. Or I'm not ready to...yet. And I'm not a hero either.” I added dryly hinting at his choice to protect Sakura and Tazuna with his own life. Then I frowned. “Actually, I'm a coward. I was  _frightened_. I've seen my share of dead people.”

I walked away from Sasuke and Tazuna. No word came from the duckling and I knew that he was either too confused, too annoyed or too astonished – highly improbable – with my answer. I turned my head to where Kakashi was almost done with Naruto's injury.

“Haven't you?”

Just as before, no answer came from the Uchiha.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long story short: I suck at updating and time management.


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